Carradale

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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:37 am

Now LR you've hit the nail on the head!
Brilliant idea!
Bunnjey jumping is the in sport nowadays, and very new like down hill mountain biking, why it's only been going for 30 odd years!
Anyway string a stout rope between the masts of 2 redundant Carradale fishing boats and charge the tourists to bunnjey jump with a spear in their hands so they can catch a herring while they're in the water.
the only problem I can see with it is in getting 2 skippers to go in different directions to keep the rope tight, well maybe not.
well I take it you meant Bunnjey??
I thought it was spelled bungee.....no matter, great idea, I'll just head over to the heritage center and pencil it in, if there's room.

so Bochan this explains poor Sanyanyas aversion to eggs, but I never knew him and Pongal were as keen as the Gulls on other folks gardens

so this new boating venture is to be eco freenly, oars instead of an enchine, alas I doubt it be like the quay regeneration, you'll never get enough folk to pull in the one direction and you'll end up going round in circles like a chugger looking for ground to build on!
as for self fendered ones, I would think they would have a short stroke unless they come with long arms?

I hope your right and your vessel behaves like a finely tuned machine, gliding across the sound, but I fear with all that shiny stuff on her stern she'll be more like a seal sniffing the air!
and do you think the burning still happens?
I was told of a man called Fletcher who used to hold onto the wire years ago, but complained that on a frosty night when his hands got that cold he couldn't feel it touching Arran!
if i'm spared
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Re: Carradale

Postby sonofaslantreborn » Tue Sep 11, 2012 10:20 am

Well, well! Who would have thought it? More than seven years after my original post, this thread is still going strong and has had almost 205K views. The world has changed so much in that time (even my log-in details have been lost in the mists of time hence the slightly modified name), yet the more it changes, the more it stays the same.

This all started around the time of a previous Community Council election following an alarming story on The Goat about Fascism in Carradale. Now the village faces another Community Council election and once again there is talk of Brown Shirts in the village! In an extraordinary battle for Carradale's soul, modernisers are lined up against traditionalists and only time will tell who will win out. There are elements of science fiction and surrealism in the mix along with an incredible air of fiscal unreality about the whole situation. It's even being said that shares in the company that produces Brasso have risen sharply as more and more necks require attention....

Meanwhile, word reaches me that our indigenous mariners are now being denied safe harbour at the quay.

Let's hope this is not an indication of what is to come in what some are calling the Brave New World!
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Tue Sep 11, 2012 11:27 pm

Well Morenish, you are a visionary. You saw the start of the ethnic cleansing coming a mile away. The scene at the quay looked like the set of the movie: 'The Out Naw Dozy Fails!'

The Duke's men (Dave, Dozy Beaky, Mick & Tich), backed up by a posse of Bungo's boys, were armed with a large butterfly net, lasso and a hammer with rusty nail, intent on capturing a ghost crew. Not this time however, as all they got was a whiff of exhaust fumes as Captain Jack Sparrow and the crew of the Black Pearl bared their erses at the back of the island shouting: 'Freedom!!!!!'

Sonofaslant, good to see that you are reborn, where the hell have you been hiding? The village could have gone into terminal decline and you would never have known.

What next, with two converging hurricanes forecast for the end of the week, will the Sherrifs of Rotting ham dare to deny them access to a safe haven? Will the fugitives shoot an anchor at the mouth of the harbour and steam to the beach and land their catch on a taught wire to the car park or shoal burst their way into the burn and go right back to basics?

Maybe its all a dream come true for the CHUGGERS as they may have found their first customer for the splendid moorings laid in the Cuil. I'm sure that I saw Sanyanya hurriedly hammering a post into the ground and attaching an honesty box with 4 large brass screws.

Old Pongal called me to his hoose last night to show me the results of an experiment he had been conducting. He pulled two Chivers jellies (Chilled and set) from the fridge and got Mrs Pongal to wobble them. He then produced two similarly shaped cement moulds and asked her to try and wobble them in a similar fashion. 'No' she said, 'You canna argue with cement!!' He explained that the ratchet straps would make the load too rigid and could make for instabiity as the entire cement would all go with the roll of the boat, whereas the the base of the jellies would stay still and only the summits would wobble with the motion. Therefore in the interest of safety, the fenders will have to be allowed to move naturally in the swell.
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Re: Carradale

Postby Right Pongal » Wed Sep 12, 2012 3:01 pm

What's this about the Duke's men trying to catch Jack Sparrow? Things must be hotting up, there's two Minesweepers coming down past the harbour here , must be going to sweep for ordanance at the back of the island, HMS Penzance and Walney. Morenish was right enough, its the clearances all over again! If we can handle it, we maybe need more Bochans! :evil:
Don't jeest leave it at yer erse, everything has a place ....................so keep it Pongal!
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bitter End » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:32 pm

A dose more Bochans widna go amiss ---- but
Fenders movin naturally in the swell jist maks me think o watchin the Yella Welly Brigands makin ther way through the cuttin frae Ardrishaig tae Crinan an gittin a wee bit close tae the 'gates' as they pass by -- loud crackin, a richt wild twang , cantin in the lock , a tangle o stainlees guardrails an stanchions , wild sweerins, an the hapless wallets shiverin an all atremble in the anticipation o gittin a wild doin . Fenders sometimes ur better aboard whin movin unless belayed ontae substantiality , which of course wid be the case in yer ane vessel, but I fur wan hiv niver seen oarsmen in a ewer .
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Re: Carradale

Postby witchnettle » Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:07 pm

well my head is reeling with all this chat on here of late
obviously the migration of the holiday maker has woken up the locals
god help us all

but i must voice a word of caution to morenish, regarding bochan's word of advice

[I thought I heard a noise that resembled a cross between a stag rutting and Carradale''s Got Talent last night at the back of the hoose. You really must shut the bedroom windows and but a gag on Mrs Morenish]

having read the instruction manual - "Forty shades of green" and having tried a few things out myself (to the more observant of you that will explain my strange walk of late!)
i fear that gagging mrs morenish will be exactly what she wants and this could end up with all sorts of injuries

now that a new wee bairn has entered the morenish family i feel that this wile couple should go back to the king james version for their instructions on bedroom shenanigans
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Last edited by witchnettle on Sat Sep 15, 2012 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:30 pm

A dose more Bochans widna go amiss, mo'chreach man think about what you've said!

methinks jack Sparrow will not be so easy caught, an yon crew o his are a slippery as eels!
far more than the owner, who is maybe jeest gettin ower old for all this, however..........we will watch it all with interest.

aye maybe old Pongal is right, ratchet straps have their place but mabye letting them free is the answer??
I think it's time to up-scale the experiment though, and film it all in the highest defineeshun.
post all the results on youtube, that should be worth a vote or two!

sonofslantreborn indeed, it's good the hear ye sowl!
by your accent you'll be wan o the Toon Slants!
but never mind it's very commendable that your still taking an interest in the goings on of your old home.
we need all the support we can get just now what with the Dukes men up here with a proliferation of new signage for the village, wanway signs on shore road and hill60, has seen the dustcart abandoned at the byre and a no through road sign at the end of the quay, but just for certain wans.
however it is not all bad news, the local shop has made a fortune on Brasso sales, because apparently it also works well on stainless steel.

I also fear the disease that's in the rhododendrons has jumped species, not only is it affecting the plants but the Glen has shut, along with the filling station,The manse is empty and now the tearooms failing as well, where will it all end?
do the chuggers really want to help or will they just hinder whats left?
if i'm spared
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:30 pm

now don't you worry about wile noises at the back of Bochans house, it was only a Tomcat in a creel in the Bochans garden, the Bochans imagination knows no bounds, as he has been watching far too many of these old hammer horrors to even get a decent sleep through the day.
well I think that's whats wrong, somethings making him tired, it's his excuse for taking 2 pictures of his own face today :)
mind you he has been sitting up till the wee oors, 11AM, calculating the effects of huge stainless steel gantry's to the stern of this new venture, but apparently they're necessary for loading big fenders, the worry is how much whisky will he not be able to carry after loading up said fenders. then there is the calculation needed to work out if there's any profit landing the whisky in Carradale after he pays the Dukes men?
aye hard works no easy, an easy works hard to get!
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Re: Carradale

Postby Right Pongal » Tue Sep 18, 2012 10:55 pm

Ach Morenish, you needn't worry too much about Captain Jack Sparrow and his motley crew, they probably have friends in either very high or extremely low places. The Dookers provided him with a safe haven for a day or two in exchange for a bond comprising of his best ear-rings and two cases of Spiced Rum, which I believe were returned each time he sailed for the grounds. This was conditional on them departing before the start of the music festival as the trustees were worried that the crew would go for a shower in the fish market just as the band were striking up the opening chords.

Meanwhile fast-forward back to the Village and the tempest has changed direction once more with the Black Pearl slipping back into her home port, with no sign of the Duke's men or attempts to use the new folding rocket launchers, that recently replaced the rickety old bikes alongside the Westerly View.

No sign of him picking up Baber's old mooring at the head of the quay either and lying off in defiance. Apparently the crew had refused to walk the plank to get ashore, even at the end of Sparrow's gleaming cutless! They moaned that it was like being stranded aboard King Clam's galleon on the West Side, swinging around on a buoy to save on the associated berthing charges.

How could this possibly have come about? I'm sure someone said that they saw him handing out bars of Old Jamaica and attempting to conceal a particular handshake to gain entry to the harbour. Others claimed to have seen the admiral of the fleet rattling collecting tins to bail the boat, if you pardon the pun, but totally unsubstantiated. The latest rumour is that there will be an non viagra induced erection on Oman's rock before the week's out. The question is, will it be the CHUGGERS flag flying high or an old doper salvaged from the Boy David, guiding the Pearl into her berth?

The Bochan was maybe taking photos for a press release regarding the launching of the Mexican Dave. He's saying that he has organised the pipe band to pipe her into the water and has pulled a bottle from the kitchen press of water from the spoot at Portrigh for the official blessing. He was saying that he would need to remember to take the fenders inboard before steaming from the quay as they will have the effect of a very large drogue and can also be extremely difficult to haul over the gunwhale once they have become water-logged.

Witchnettle, I asked the Bochan if Mrs Bochan had been glued to this Forty Shades of Green, but he thought it was called Thirty Shades of Black! He assured me it was cockney rhyming slang.....
Don't jeest leave it at yer erse, everything has a place ....................so keep it Pongal!
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:16 pm

aye,aye Pongal, so you recon the crew of the black pearl are out of peril?
The Dookers should have no fear of them using the showers, I suspect, unless things have changed.

I too was a bit wary o them rocket launchers, especially when I spied a black bearded gentleman with a key for setting them!
he was dressed in western clothes right enough but was that just a disguise?
I'm sure I've seen him kneeling down facing east before now??

now that's a bit far fetched saying that Sparrow has a "gleaming cutlass" I though Bungo's boys would have searched them for anything deemed too sharp!

oh I can confirm the admiral was out in Tormhor with the aforementioned tin, but it had a heluva wee narrow slot in the top for bailing, no pun intended.
some of us in this house are looking forward to seeing the erection,It'll be the first one at the quay for a long time!

I know which bottle the Bochan will be asking the preacher to sprinkle over the Mexican Dave, and it will only be allowed when his mouth is open below it, water from the portrigh well, that well never produced water that colour, even when Gus brought the big tractor in an churned up the field!
and Bochan should not worry about not managing the fenders himself, I'm sure there'll be plenty hands to help in true fishing tradition
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Re: Carradale

Postby Sanyanya » Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:04 am

morenish wrote:I too was a bit wary o them rocket launchers, especially when I spied a black bearded gentleman with a key for setting them!
he was dressed in western clothes right enough but was that just a disguise?
I'm sure I've seen him kneeling down facing east before now??



They say that Slasher was seen burning old books down on the rocks, hope it wasn't the said jentleman's Corr Ann, or magazines showing topless photos of Mr & Mrs Bochan on the balcony of the Wee Caboodle. It looked like he was onto a winner until Willie and Kate stepped into the breach, but apparently you cann't get these for love nor money. All this kneeling cann't be good for anyone in this weather, besides, he will just be looking at the wall between East & West, are you sure he wasn't just pulling a few weeds?

You're probably right about the heaving fenders, I heard that the Bochan was trying to round up a full crew of eager but experienced ring net fishermen, but if he waits much longer, he will be looking up the glen!

There's been a problem also with them squabbling over who was going to haul his corks and who was going to winch the old soul or was it sole and all hands were making a bee line to get a hold of his winkie. Lets hope he's remembered the Duracells!
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Mon Sep 24, 2012 10:12 pm

what will Slasher be blamed for next?
.......and how anybody can see what he's doing at the speed he moves,mind you he might speed up at the thought of a picture of Mrs Bochan?
a'hm feart to say any more aboot yon beardedfla', did you no see the lights in the sky on Friday night?
man yon was a missile if ever I saw wan, it came roon goat fell an passed Skipness like the Bochan in the black shadow heading for home when he thinks yon daughters o his have been in the kitchen press at'ees water supply!
mind you I think the Black shadow must have taken a broadside, or mibbe dis-masted 'er, I seen her the day gettin towed along shore road, for all the world like a de-commisioning, a doot it's the end for'er, or maybe it's to do wi this wan waie system for shore road?
you have to get towed in but you can drive back oot?

have ye heard any more aboot the caboodle for the harbour?
is it goin aheid, astern or just driftin?
is there anybody left at the wheel or are they fighting amang themsels, nobody wanting to admit to bein in cherge?
I think the adds goin in next months Antler asking for some free grun frae any fermer wi a kind hert, they're ony needin aboot 60 acre!
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:50 pm

morenish wrote:The Dookers should have no fear of them using the showers, I suspect, unless things have changed...........

some of us in this house are looking forward to seeing the erection,It'll be the first one at the quay for a long time!

I know which bottle the Bochan will be asking the preacher to sprinkle over the Mexican Dave...... and Bochan should not worry about not managing the fenders himself, I'm sure there'll be plenty hands to help in true fishing tradition


Aye Morenish, it would have been more like Scarey Mhor than Skerryvore if Jack Sparrow and Crew had emerged from the showers wrapped in dog blankets as they headed back to the Pearl. Is that Mrs Morenish that is looking forward to the erection at the quay? Old Snoddy must have relaxed his prescribing policy again when he is handing them out to young men under 80 years of age!

Despite the skirl of the pipes and drums, this was only the 'dry run' of the launch party. The real thing is scheduled for the first dry Tuesday after Easter. I know it was a low trick to put cold tea in the Laphroig bottle, but the look of afront on Mrs Morenish's face when you were licking the gunwhales was priceless. It was the carpenter's idea, not sure what he did with the original contents of the bottle though??

The fenders are well inflated and are securely fettered just above the waterline on the port side to cut on the drag. However, due to their superb bouyancy, they can be easily hauled inboard by experienced hands. What they dont need is a full immersion sploonge into cold water as a result of land lubbers all leaning to port in unison, as the resultant turbulance may result in sharp changes to stability.

Sanyanya wrote:
morenish wrote:I too was a bit wary o them rocket launchers, especially when I spied a black bearded gentleman with a key for setting them!
he was dressed in western clothes right enough but was that just a disguise?
I'm sure I've seen him kneeling down facing east before now??


Well now Sanyanya, I see they even got a mention in the Goat's Log. I wonder if they have been fired in earnest yet and if they can reach Hill 60 without any collateral damage inbetween?

Sanyanya wrote:They say that Slasher was seen burning old books down on the rocks, hope it wasn't the said jentleman's Corr Ann, or magazines showing topless photos of Mr & Mrs Bochan on the balcony of the Wee Caboodle......... are you sure he wasn't just pulling a few weeds?

You're probably right about the heaving fenders, I heard that the Bochan was trying to round up a full crew of eager but experienced ring net fishermen......... and all hands were making a bee line to get a hold of his winkie. Lets hope he's remembered the Duracells!


I didn't know that they still published the Corr Annual, but there you go now. As for the balcony of the Wee Caboodle, what the devil do you know about that? OK so Mrs Bochan has a fine shape aboot her, but that's down to a lifetime of cutting peats on the croft and helping Mrs Morenish feed lambs on the hill. As for the winkie, its an heirloom now and not just for any old soft pair of farmer's hands!

morenish wrote:......mind you I think the Black shadow must have taken a broadside, or mibbe dis-masted 'er, I seen her the day gettin towed along shore road, for all the world like a de-commisioning, a doot it's the end for'er, or maybe it's to do wi this wan waie system for shore road?
you have to get towed in but you can drive back oot?

have ye heard any more aboot the caboodle for the harbour?
is it goin aheid, astern or just driftin?
is there anybody left at the wheel or are they fighting amang themsels, nobody wanting to admit to bein in cherge?
I think the adds goin in next months Antler asking for some free grun frae any fermer wi a kind hert, they're ony needin aboot 60 acre!


Nor nor Decommissioning, The Shadow is only in dry dock and will come out better than ever. Mind you, that's not to say that she wont be going into the fishing news as the Black Shadow II maybe about to be launched. You need more power these days, so she'll have a bigger engine and a better wheelhouse package to boot!

Aye the Chug-a-bugs cretainly seem to be in total disarray at the moment, but at least they have refrained from branding the rest of us 'Plebs', or at least as far as we know. No, the team here are more akin to 'Sh*ggers' than 'Thrashers' as the chief whip was allegedly referred to in school. They will maybe try the community land buyout route against the farmer if things dont go their way. I would say that the best they would manage though, would be a couple of acres each, meted out by the Grieve, who can still kick hard with the right foot!

With the Cafe at the hump given the bump, will they be attempting to emulate the high standard of baking in another non-retail outlet in the village?
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Re: Carradale

Postby Right Pongal » Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:55 am

Whats all this about 'Plebs' and 'Thrashers'? I thought Morenish had a Thrasher for the crops before he retired, or was it a crop for thrashing Sanyanya? I just canna quite remember.

Did you hear that three of his ewes jumped the fence at the Tarbert market, unbolted the gate and led a stampede of fresians through Tarbert and out towards Stonefield? Aye, some poor man carrying a load of windmill parts is said to have swerved to avoid them, touched the verge and got dragged in and the rest was just a wild sarach all together, nearly as bad as the time the BA ringers were washed ashore in the West Loch.

They're telling me that the wreckage has been bought by a man in the village and will be stored at the head of the quay, once he makes a little bit of room. Its all freshly painted, so will look a bit out of place for a while, but will soon blend in.

Talking of the quay, has somebody bought that bit of road at the quay that has been ring-fenced to the exclusion of other road licence fund payers? I didn't realise you could do that, it must be a new way for the council to raise money. Talking of which, I hear reports the council are planning on starting up their own TV channel. Is this maybe to let 'The Plebs' get a little bit of virtual reality from the council chambers, or are they really going to be doing their own versions of 'Crossroads', 'Monarch skipper of the Glen', 'Ballymeanach Kiss Angel', 'Fawlty Towers', 'The Pirates of Port Crannaig', 'Big Bay Watch', 'Em.... A Dale Farm', 'Top of the Crops 1977' with Morenish as the DJ and Pam's people shaking their old erses, 'Cybill', 'Doctor Who... Aye Who?' 'Malcolm in the Middle', 'Eastenders', 'Jackanory', 'Little Dippen','Magpie' (There's a few of them), 'Everyone loves Raymond', 'Take the High Moineruadh Road', 'Drollerman' 'Para Handy', 'The Avengers' 'McMillan and Wife', 'Robin Hood', 'Roots' and not forgetting 'Toy Town', 'Budgie the Helicopter' 'Trumpton' and 'Chuggley' for the kids.......... what's left of them!

Aye and that's just from one village! Maybe their onto a winner if they can just get it to the hooses!
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Re: Carradale

Postby binabit » Sat Sep 29, 2012 4:51 pm

Be there capers and tomfoolery hereabout, by the Buddha! And the lengthiest of reads for the novice who must sift the sands to perceive the shoreline. For merriment I wouldst look again at the crystal, and would heed this as warning for new ploy :- Fear! Fire! Flood! The copper is ta'en from the stane!
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