Carradale

[morenish]

Believe me LR the least you know of Bochans the better.
now I take it you actually have a landrover?
because I hear that it depends on what car you drive whether you get elected to this CC, Landrovers are acceptable at any age but lesser cars like VWs and Audis must be no more than 4 years old, Black shadows of course cannot be stopped for anything never mind a council
Massey Fergusons are frowned upon as well so that's me oot!
as for pie in the sky, I take it that's what this new tearoom in the shore shed will be serving?
cooked in the old cooker Allan Oman has donated to the CHUGGERS, and by a Luke Skywalker recipe?
methinks you'll need more than paracetamol after eating any of that futuristic food

[Lil]

I just found this forum while I was doing a bit of research on Carradale and I was wondering what a Bochin is too Landrover. Are these old stories? I presume they're what would be called Oral history in Scotland.I'm trying to work out what some of the words mean but I don't suppose it'll take me too long. It doesn't take too long to get to know the ways of Carradale really does it? People are so friendly and open.

[morenish]

now whips and jingles had a good idea there about reversing the wind turbines to provide wind, however there is enough hot air generated in these committees to power the hole of the village as well as Arran, especially when they all get in the inevitable hoora tangle!

isn't is strange how things change in a place, we have a sign at the heritage center, begging for £350,000 to "save" the village, yet not so long ago that was a good landing at the weekend for some Carradale boats.
50 years ago to raise that kind of money all you needed was a few dances in the hall, but now it has to be dropped into the begging bowl, aye sad days.

mind you when folk wanted to raise that kind of cash, it was usually to build a new pier or hall, which are still here years and years later albeit maybe needing a coat of paint, but where oh where will this £350,000 go?
will anybody see the result of it in 50 years time?
rather than buying sand yachts or mountain bikes to use on other folks ground they should maybe buy a wind turbine to generate income as well as electricity to improve the look of the village, not that I'm admitting that the village needs improving, I like it just fine the way it is, and I thought it must look attractive to all the folk who wanted to move here and who have moved here recently, but no some of them are the very ones who want to "improve" it!
ach well some folk canna look at things but they want to change it to look like their ideal, like the way it looked in their old back yard or get "it" done the way they did things where they come from, but if that was the case why did they move here??

but there's worse to come, especially if the Bochan starts shooting snipe with his erse, now that's the scariest thing I've heard in years, his aim is bad enough at the best of times so his long suffering toilet cleaner tells me, and snipe are fast, far too fast for him, I fear the Gallach Plodach at Portrigh would be in danger, even if the snipe was up hill60!
aye and anybody in between!

[Right Pongal]

Absolutely Splendid Morenish, why beat about the bush when you can call a spade a damn spade and accurately hit the nail on the head! Were they premiering Disney's 'Brave' last night, with young Lorne piping in the drams?

£350,000 is no ordinary sum of money, considering that there is a high chance that the whole shebang could end up going under an auctioneers hammer...... Enough indeed to buy around 7 x brand new stern trawlers with 365 caterpillars powering them along 35 years ago. To think that they could have gainfully employed around 40 men or supported 40 families. I wonder how many crofters are expected to be employed in what seems like a pretty zany business plan?

Your idea of a community windmill would certainly provide a much longer lasting benefit to the whole community, but somebody would no doubt be shouting: 'Not In My Back Yard!'

Mr RCB at Airds has a nomination pack with your name on it, and I will gladly nominate and 2nd you on last night's performance, you left the Bochan trailing in your wake!!

Oh Aye, LR should steer well clear of the Bochans if he wants to sleep at night. As the old stone at Waterfoot says: 'Until the shadows flee away!'

[morenish]

there is no need to call the aforementioned digging tool by any other name than a f****n shovel!
nor do I need a Disney film to spur me into speaking my mind, and the same mind could be changed by tomorrow!

I just think £350K could be better spent, what's the purpose of entertaining the youth if there is no employment to keep them in Kintyre never mind this wee village?

As for 7, stern trawlers, why could we not have pleasant, fun filled, ones?
...and maybe they would attract tourists to the place, in fact how about getting some fun filled businessmen as well, as the stern wans are jeest no doin!
Ach wind turbines are sooooo last year, we need a more innovative attraction to create business startups, how about a single track,one way road, like the london collision government, one way,my way or no way!
I think Carradale needs a folly.
it works for Oban?
A&B council built an £8M runway pointing at the biggest hill they could find out at Connel.
The spin off from this has ensured the hotels in the area have made a fortune from Audit Scotland auditors and press men come to laugh and shake their heads.
Campbeltown looked at all the empty buildings in the town and spent £3m building another empty building out at snipefield, masterful!

And now I hear Carradale has plans to replace the only open council toilets in kintyre with the bridge off an old coaster and I presume follow A&Bs good advice and make sure it stays empty?
After all if you let folk into it with their dirty feet it will need re-decorating before 20 years has past, iIF indeed they decide to keep it even slightly pongal.
mind you I'm sure the Bochan would not leave it empty for long!

No,Alistair Bennet can't paint everything on his own.....or can he?

Carradale harbour is a working area,albeit gie slow with some of them! leave it doing that and build attractions for tourists by all means, but in other places, round the village, and get the folk who are going to benefit from tourists to pay for it.

If huge amounts of money are to be spent in the area let it benefit all the folk who live here, how about we sheds with electric in them to let folk make bramble died woolen cloth?
or tablet?
or wooden gates?
or a boatbulding shed and get a macDougal to show younger ones how to build wooden boats?
or even cut a bit of wood without taking a finger off with it.
use the resources we have in abundance in this area to create employment, not tourist fleecing,for a few.

there could even be a shed to teach Lil that this is happening now!
yes Lil, they are old stories, well we've all heard them before.
The folk that are jumping onto committee's here nowadays would not have lasted long on the old fishing skiffs as they would have drowned first trip or if they had arrived on a farm looking for work been sent to brush the stones in the burn, as in poor Pongals case.
not that your allowed to do any of these jobs now without a proper risk assessment and weeks of training, but anybody can jump onto a committee....if your face fits.

[morenish]

And my apologies to whips and jingles about the windturbine idea, I, in my confused old age thought it was a witchnettle program, both ladies just back from huge success in 40 shades of green or something, although why folk think old Irish ballads are kinky is completely beyond me??
ask the bochan

[Sanyanya]

For the love of goodness gracious me Mr Morenish, I'm not sure it's the right time of the year, or day, for setting the heather on fire, you will probably have caught Trumpton's fire extinguishing platoon on the back foot!

However, well said! Like tourism, turnip thinning can be rather seasonal, with the rewards short-lived. You quite rightly point out that the self interest of the possible benefactors is likely to get in the way of improving the lives of the general poplulation of the village.

I would like to suggest that this level of funding would be far better invested in a fast RIB service running from Campbeltown - Carradale - Tarbert - Braehead - SECC, with shock absorbers in the seats to prevent spillage of the drams. The profits in year one could buy the 2nd boat for running in the opposite direction.

Like Oban's folly and indeed it's harbour, the quay has always been the focal point of the village. The very things that some people would have whitewashed are actually what attract the tourists to this end of the village. Yes there was nothing better than the sight of the herring fleet coming and going. The tourists just loved to ask daft questions of the tolerent, sleep-deprived, mattress dodging souls mending nets in the morning. The best bits of all, were the subtle but sarcastic replies, quickly trumped by a whispered acidic and often crude comment from the least tolerant and cynical member of the crew.

Even now, the arrival of the dirty prawn and clam boats inspires the curious city dwellers to walk down the pier to view another side of life. If they could walk out to the fish farm, I am quite sure they would.

Electricity in a shed sounds like a brilliant idea. If you had installed it for me, I may have been happy to stay and chop wood for a year or two longer.

What's happening with the public conveniences? Have the Bochan and yourself managed to orchestrate a slight shift along the road to get around the Environmental Health issues with this shed / eatery renovation project? Unless there is a complete replacemnt of the outfall, I would need to object on the grounds that between the Bochan and yourself, there would be one whoora log-jam!

P.S. Does Mrs Morenish know that you have uncovered the stash of Old Mull?

[Snoddy]

What is wrong with good honest entrepreneurship? It would be a case of a few good men looking to generate wealth, some of which will permeate down through the masses. This could all be done in the finest Tory tradition of money going to money, with the servants, gardeners, game keepers etc getting to feast on the crumbs on the floor under the table.

Mind you, I haven't seen or heard of the game keeper for a while. I fear that Sanyanya has sorted him out permanently....

[morenish]

och Sanyanya, lament,woe is me, Mrs Morenish found my stash of old Mull, and drank the lot!
and there is nothing makes her randier than a bit of old Mull, she makes Mrs Brown on LSD, look like a church choir practice!
.......and now she's singing 40 shades of green.............!

I agree with you on the turnip thinning / tourism being seasonal and the business of tying old sacks to save your poor knees is becoming a bit of a chore, at least with the thinning you can do it standing up using a how.

I think your idea of a fast RIB is and excellent idea!
do they still make them in black?
just so's we could shift the Bochan out of the village by the fastest means, and as you well know it seems to work well for the Toon,
how far up Clachan burn did you manage last week?
and did the passengers leave you a good tip for the extra excitement?
was sleep deprivation the excuse for being stern?
sorry for all the questions, I was never at the fishing, being a crofter all my days, but I was never afraid to ask others about their life or how things were done before, I always think it's a good thing to learn about other folks indigenous ideas rather than just tell them what I think should happen.

Reading my other posts again it sounds as if I am anti-change, a nimby even?
nothing could be farther from the truth as I welcome any positive change, I will even dare to admit to liking windfarms in the right location,but these new proposals for this village just don't add up, I wish the perpetrators had acted upon the many proposals put forward by the community and and not listened to some of the ill-informed tourists, quite a large portion of who admittedly complained about the mess at the quay, and not used it as an attack on local land owners, or so it would seem.
in fact part of the problem for this whole quay regeneration project is the fact that a lot of the meetings seem to have been conducted in secret, minutes were kept but maybe not from all the discussions.

no worries about the outfall from the new establishment, we are proposing to install a new eco-freenly toilet system, aparently they're all the rage in Mallaig, based on a big hole with 2 planks over it (aquired from the old Auchnasavil midden) and a bag of sawdust, all unfriendly odours should be masked by the fishy smell from the (w)hole proposal.

[Bochan Mor]

och Sanyanya, lament,woe is me, Mrs Morenish found my stash of old Mull, and drank the lot!
and there is nothing makes her randier than a bit of old Mull, she makes Mrs Brown on LSD, look like a church choir practice!
.......and now she's singing 40 shades of green.............!

I think your idea of a fast RIB is and excellent idea!
do they still make them in black?
just so's we could shift the Bochan out of the village by the fastest means, and as you well know it seems to work well for the Toon.......

I thought I heard a noise that resembled a cross between a stag rutting and Carradale''s Got Talent last night at the back of the hoose. You really must shut the bedroom windows and but a gag on Mrs Morenish, but next time your in Mull, can you bring me back a couple of cases of that splendid elixir? I thought you had found the receipe for Islay Dunlop cheese and were giving it big licks. I wonder is it still banned in Saudi Arabia?

This RIB is not such a bad idea, but to hell with the fancy chairs. Scutch them all to the side and fill the boat up with fresh prawns, clams, Bochan Cheese, the Wolf's kippers and legs of Ifferdale lamb. Never mind Tarbert or Braehead, make a bee line for the centre of Glasgow and set up a stall on the Broomielaw. Just like the old days, only this time charge money for the fine purvey.

Reading my other posts again it sounds as if I am anti-change, a nimby even?
nothing could be farther from the truth as I welcome any positive change .......in fact part of the problem for this whole quay regeneration project is the fact that a lot of the meetings seem to have been conducted in secret, minutes were kept but maybe not from all the discussions.......

Aye Morenish, your certainly not nimble or nimby, the other major stumbling block is that the CHUGGERS have a major flaw in their pipe dream. I suppose title to land is a minor detail when you are full of gin and trying to out Neilly each other!

no worries about the outfall from the new establishment, we are proposing to install a new eco-freenly toilet system, aparently they're all the rage in Mallaig, based on a big hole with 2 planks over it (aquired from the old Auchnasavil midden) and a bag of sawdust, all unfriendly odours should be masked by the fishy smell from the (w)hole proposal.

There's a couple of erses that I would strap those planks to, before floating them out into the sound with a herring on their heads, just like they did in the old Ealing film 'The Brothers!' If you eat plenty of oily fish there will be no worries about log jams, everything will run perfectly smoothly. A herring a day keeps Old Snoddy away as Pongal would say. If that isn't working, try a big feed of the mussels from the shore road sewer pipe, works every time. No prolonged constipation in our house, everything running like clockwork!

[morenish]

och'syerselBochan!

whats this rumour I'm hearing about you and AilsaCraig getting a RIB to run between Kintyre and Glasachu?
......and calling at all ports in between, a river taxi is't you call it?
I also heard you were most vexed by it's appearance, it wasn't old enough looking for you, so you had wooden name plates made up and attached them with the finest brass screws Donna had left, only to find your elation deflated along with the Rib?

I hear she's called Mexican wave, after the cousin in Acapulco that got her for you, the one that steals boats for a living....................here your not thinking on a bit of piracy on this side of the pond are you?
maybe not a bad idea,Carradale would be an ideal base for such activities, fleece the tourist on land and sea!

never you fear as long as Carradale has me it will always have talent!
as for nimble I haven't seen that bread in years??

As for chuggers and Land ownership, it never stopped them clearing our ancestors before, why should they think any different today?
or maybe that's another story........

[Right Pongal]

'Mexican Dave,' that's one hell of a name for any boat, but I suppose at sea you just have to go with the roll (So Bun says). Although each paying passenger is due to be lightened to the tune of £175, they will all receive a free locally produced rug, fleece and T shirt with the words. 'I've been Rugged, Mugged & severely CHUGGED!'

Allegedly a 20 tonne crane and heavy lifting strops have been hired for the launch as there is indeed a doubt about the positioning of her waterline. Not due to burst sponsins or leaky stern glands, but due to the amount of stainless steel in her. Apparently the commodity markets were in a state of flux when the Bochan started to compete with the Chinese for the shiny metal. He had a quick rake through the yard at the quay, but it all seemed to be the wrong colour (A kind of rusty brown for some reason!).

Maybe you should offer him some of your libido enhancing 100 % Mull licker (or is it liquor) to crack over the bow, just to make sure she stays rigid during a heaving swell. Talking of heavy swells, He was talking about adding a few extra stays to the rigging, for running ropes to keep certain heaving chests inboard. He was worried that the Dunure men might mistake them for fenders!

Its still unconfirmed, but I heard she was going to be based at Grogport and running Whisky snorting, lythe-jigging, gimmer herding and X-Rated Rabbie Burns reciting tours, in a triangle from Campbeltown to the Herd's Hoose up near the Cock, to Dunure. The Bochan was heard to say he had seen some Holy Willies in his time, but the Big Fella from the Corrie & Sannox Burns Club would leave the American tourists weak at the knees. He's even fitting a Tena Lady dispenser to the bulkhead of the boat and a few extra hip flasks, purely for medicinal purposes.

Longer term there is a planned relocation to the village when the redevelopment of the harbour is complete and the new slipway and pontoons are installed. I think though he was going for a 50 year lease on the Old Pirate's mooring!

Spotted on the Bochan's graphic artist's washing line!

Rugged Mugged & Chugged.jpg (111.58 KiB) Viewed 12208 times

[morenish]

can I pre-order 5 of them in varying sizes?

ratchet straps are the answer, in keeping the Dunure mens thoughts pure.
but with all these fittings is a 20T crane going to be big enough?
will there be room for passengers?
especially ones with big fenders?
will we need to ask yon Bam Nutter to come up and dredge the harbour for her, or will he put her ashore up at port na Cuil and then take the boat into the harbour?
A lot of questions, but then I was never at the fishin

[Bochan Mor]

Right now Pongal, what's the meaning of all this prowling around a decent wummin's garden and photographing the contents of her washing line?? This was only the prototype of the T-Shirt and was fresh out the jeely pan, so the shade of Bramble wasn't quite what we had hoped for. I had just intended to take their money, but at the end of the day, they need to feel that they have been sensationally rugged, fleeced, mugged and chugged, but it was hard to get all those words onto one T-Shirt.

Anyway, back to the washing line, the last bleggard caught round there was Sanyanya, who was walking on stilts through the long grass and hedges. When I tried to collar him, he shooshed me and said: 'Be careful Bochan, it's like walking on egg shells in here....'

Egg shells be-goodness, his pockets were full of them, but by the time I was finished with him, the yolks were dribbling down the indside of his legs and the hens were pecking at the corn that I had thrown over his bare erse. Mrs Bochan asked if I really had to peg him out in the turnip patch, but I said that he would feel quite at home, both in the turnips and being hen-pecked!

Passengers Morenish? Perish the thought, I have never been able to suffer passengers aboard any boat I've worked on. The engine will be coming off and each will be given an oar and told to row as quickly and quietly as possible towards the net. Exceptions will be made for those that arrive self fendered and I will personally be tightening the ratchet straps and adjusting for comfort.

What about those Varying sizes of T-Shirts your looking for? Does this depend on which mirror you are admiring yourself in?

This vessel will be like a finely tuned machine and will glide across the sea, not like an over fed gannet, skimming the waves, with one eye on the burning!

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I just hope that this does not lead to thuggery,skuldugerry and,dare I say it,b*****y!