Mills V McCartney

[Neil]

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife
are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes
about her false leg.



Personally, I think it's prosthetic.



News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his
wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be
distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said
in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm
really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she
will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk
out on a relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever
consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if
we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if
an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to
stand on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may
have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to
get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the
cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get
home at night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present
that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic
leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate
"I'm f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try
Paul McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she
has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill
her shoe.

[alan k]

Getting a bit bored with all the claims and counter claims by both parties. Definately think that Paul is in the right and that she is just a gold digger-did you see article in paper today where her ex husband before Paul told that she used to assualt him !!!

Any way-"Let it be" !!!!!

By the way if Heather was Chinese(no racial intent) could she be called "Wan San Shoe" ???????

[sentrano]

aye, shes shot herself in the foot and not realised it yet

[alan k]

Once Pauls legal team start asking questions-she will be "stumped"- left "without a leg to stand on"

[petewick]

She will then go out to drown her sorrows and get completely "legless"!

[alan k]

Once Pauls legal team get stuck into her she will be "hopping mad"

[Auld Pop]

Tis went horribly rang this luv stori, gettin mer lake Mills n Boo stuff noo. I pursonaly tink tis a shame fur ah connectid wae thim, an thurs mer mad quips on thist forum than thur is in the papers, whoot urr yeh's ah turnin intae

[bill]

Heather Mills 'hopping mad' at tabloids

Heather Mills is to take legal action against three British newspapers after they printed several stories that didn't mention her charity work or what a thoroughly warm, friendly and nice person she is.

The Geordie gold-digger is currently embroiled in a messy divorce from ex-sugardaddy, Sir Paul McCartney. The greedy ice maiden is reportedly hopping mad after her aforementioned solicitors leaked her allegations of abuse at the hands of her pensioner husband to the tabloids. The leak was widely believed to be a massive PR failure for Mills, irreparably affecting her (ahem) standing, and denting her life-long dream of getting her hands on all of Paul's cash:

"She was kicking herself when she learned of the leak," said an aide, "then obviously she fell over."

But friends of the money-hungry litigant claim the former biped is putting her best foot forward in the wake of the damaging leak and has vowed to bring The Daily Mail, The Evening Standard and The Sun to their knees.

Sir Paul, 87, has vowed to vigorously to defend himself against Heather's claims he came home drunk and beat her:

"There was only one legless person in our relationship," said the former Beatle, "and it wasn't me. I'll have my day in court, and she can foot the bill – there's no way I'm stumping up any more cash."

Some of Ms Mills' spurious claims against Sir Paul include:

After undergoing reconstructive surgery on her previously amputated leg, McCartney would not allow Mills to keep a bedpan near the bed, claiming there wasn't enough room for hers as well as his.

McCartney subjected Mills to four violent attacks, including stabbing her in the arm with a broken jar of Ovaltine. He proceeded to remonstrate with the respondent, arguing with her over who got use of the wheelchair.

[Surfbored]

Heather Mills-McCartney ... LEGEND