Menopause(Treading carefully)

[LANDROVER ROGER]

There are several ways of speaking to your spouse/partner at this time to avoid retribution.Examples as follows.
Dangerous."Where`s my dinner?"
Safe."Can I help you with dinner?"
Safest."Where would you like to go for dinner?"
Ultra-safe."Here,have some wine."

Dangerous."You are not going out like that are you?"
Safe."Wow!Brown really suits you!"
Safest."You look absolutely stunning!"
Ultra-safe."Here,have some wine and chocolates."

Dangerous."This house is so un-tidy,what did you do all day?"
Safe."I hope you have not over-done things today."
Safest."Wearing that dressing gown all day really suits you."
Ultra-safe."Here,have some more wine another box of chocolates and a cream cake."

P.M.S.
Several meanings to this abbreviation as follows.
Psychotic Mood Swing,Pardon my Sobbing,Pass my Shotgun,and top of the pops.....Potential Murder Suspect.

[Govangirl]

Question: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: One! ONLY ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 18 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What was the question?

[EMDEE]

Time for the Evening Primrose Oil?

[Govangirl]

Time's up for the Primrose Oil, Emdee - as of last Thursday, I'm on HRT. I'm expecting great things from it and hopefully will look 30 by this time next month! My doctor gave me a leaflet on it and on the front was a photo of a radiant woman running the marathon - I can't even run for a bus so that's good, I'll be going the full 26 miles by Christmas, I reckon! Mr Govangirl read some of the symptoms of the menopause on the front of the leaflet: impaired short-term memory, lack of interest in sex and constant irritability and was heard to mumble I have been menopausal since the day he married me!

[Mary G]

Very funny Govangirl - real laugh out loud stuff! Ta for that

[LANDROVER ROGER]

SPAM!SPAM!SPAM!

[Lossit Lass]

wow...desperate times for our spam chefs...tsk, tsk

[Admin3]

SPAM!SPAM!SPAM!

Cheers Landrover Roger - user deleted. I've removed your post from the MOKRUN thread as people might think you are calling the original post spam now that the user and their posts have been deleted. Much appreciated.

[Govangirl]

Yes, cheers Roger, the spam has worked a treat! You should suggest it to Boots as they'd do great business with a spam cream and serum. A few sandwiches, some plates of fritters and a wee spam patch and I'm like a new woman! No more plates getting smashed in ma hoose!