I read in the paper that a gas engineer appeared in court after being caught having sex with a small dog. The magistrate let him off as he was corgi registered.
A guy jumps out a plane - the parachute fails he plummets towards earth - he meets a guy going in an upwards direction - half way up or down depending. He shouts - Do you know anything about parachutes - no came the reply - do you know anything about gas cookers.