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Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 10:57 pm
by tarmmaker
Poor old Joanne
Who lived in a can
She can't get a man
So makes do with a tan
-dem bike.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 8:57 am
by Martin
Groan !

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:08 pm
by tarmmaker
Left tit, so cold.
Right tit worked
Twice as hard.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:54 pm
by Martin
Joanne was laid to rest
The Council man came too
Everybody wore their best
Black tie, white shirt, black shoe.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:05 pm
by ionnsaigh
Wan black shoe, an wan black tie,
Wan black soul, an wan black heart,
White the shirt, an cold dead skin,
White the gin, oan pastors lips,
Broon the earth, the covers hur heid,
Giddy up, Joannes deid.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:28 pm
by Martin
Poor Joanne is dead
With a crushed head
IDS gives a sly smile
"One more off the benefit bill for a while".

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 7:08 pm
by jaywalker
Confused, bitter,tired and weary.
Colon tightning, anal polyps.
Uncle Henry wearing mascara.
Poppies blowing and times a-passing.
Goodbye Joanna, Tulsa is just a day away.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 8:08 pm
by tarmmaker
Pitney has his jeans
Pixie had a lott
Greyhound bus has left
Joanna's lost the plot.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 2:33 am
by Martin
The poor old cow is long since gone
But still for some she is the one
She has gone to meet her Lord
Any more is nowt but a fraud.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 8:11 am
by tarmmaker
She may have touched the finger of God
Like Michaelangelo in his fresco
But still she walks the chilly aisles
With trolley full, 'round Tesco.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:55 am
by Martin
So Joanne is destined to live forever
Even with her shopping trolley
But seen in Tesco ? Never
Probably don't sell bottles of Bolly

Joanne you see had much more class
And would never take her sorry ass
Into such a down market store
Wouldn't be seen even stood by the door

Nor into Waitrose would she venture
Wrinkled her nose at Marks & Spencer
Asda however is quite an adventure
Morrison's prices are a bottom clencher
(I struggled with that bit)

Sainsbury's was the shop for her
She did all her shopping there
A cafe to sit for a cup of tea
Nice clean bog to have a pee

Lidl and Aldi she did not trust
Into Iceland she would not be thrust
Lincolnshire Co-op is much to greedy
Especially for the poor and needy

How she longed for dear old Fine Fare
To do her shopping without a care
Liptons and the International
Green Shield stamps and in garages national
(struggling again)

BHS was much too expensive
McFisheries made her feel too pensive
Dudeney and Johnston, the shop of the day
Changed their name to Civils and faded away

Caters, C&A and the Beehive
Much too dear to thrive
Woolworth died with a strangled cry
Didn't even have time to say goodbye

But all of this is not about Joanne
Or her can
I've been sidetracked once again
Limping down memory lane

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2014 6:55 pm
by ionnsaigh
Murphy mumps, bully boy,
Oan yer boax, Irn Bru pimp,
Wurkin Class, fae nice Arden,
Then frick aff, tae hell, doon South,
Naw, wait wan minute, you wur white,
They, the wurkin class, the exploited wans,
Them poor people, an you, who reinforced, awe thon poverty,
When did CIA first come knocking, or wis it you, runnin tae them,
Why wid a Socialist be a friend of Isreal, see if yer a pal, wis it Mosad,
Yer thoughts oan the Human Rights issues, O the Palestinian People,
Fir that matter, wit aboot the Racial Apartheid, South African regime,
Then again, Drumchapel wid flourish, fae a wurkin class lad, like you.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 7:42 am
by tarmmaker
Just popped in for a smile.
Excuse me while
I slit my throat!

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:06 am
by ionnsaigh
Slit yer throat, silly auld goat.

Re: The Kintyre Forum Poem ( First line)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 7:16 pm
by ionnsaigh
Och here the crumb, as table groans,
A penny scramble, fae high above,
Poor weans pine, rich wans dine,
That Ned Miliband - a durty wee swine. 8)