Carradale

[morenish]

aye snoddy we hae a wee problem, ye see we turned the matress clockwise like you said but when mrs morenish sat on the edge of the bed the matress gave way an she banged the back o her hied on the edge o'it the hot ashes flew oot her pipe an burned her new nighty that she got in tarbert at the last real fair(when there was a cattle market)
she's most cross an thinks your advice to be the problem, so she has contacted a lawyer with a veiw to suing you for the price o a new wan.

d'ye no think ye should have said to turn it right roond to 6 o clock instead o jeest to 3?

an hoots this aboot fetterin her?
the last time i tried to tie her tae the sink wi a bit rope that wan o macbraynes boys gave me, it only worked till she needed a smoke, jeest snapped it like a bit o cotton, an it that had held the isle o arran aginst the kennacraig pier fur years, even wi overloaded mundells lorries comin off an on.

[Snoddy]

She's most cross an thinks your advice to be the problem, so she has contacted a lawyer with a veiw to suing you for the price o a new wan.

d'ye no think ye should have said to turn it right roond to 6 o clock instead o jeest to 3?

Oh dear Mr Morenish, I had forgotten about the straw between your ears, and in that respect, I may well be negligent!

the last time i tried to tie her tae the sink wi a bit rope that wan o macbraynes boys gave me, it only worked till she needed a smoke, jeest snapped it like a bit o cotton, an it that had held the isle o arran aginst the kennacraig pier fur years, even wi overloaded mundells lorries comin off an on.

I've been speaking to an engineering friend of mine, and he reckons that he could maybe fit a bow-thruster to your good wife. It would have a two fold benefit in that it could keep her against the sink, and help to clean the bath when she has her monthly abolutions!

[Right Pongal]

the last time i tried to tie her tae the sink wi a bit rope that wan o macbraynes boys gave me, it only worked till she needed a smoke, jeest snapped it like a bit o cotton, an it that had held the isle o arran aginst the kennacraig pier fur years, even wi overloaded mundells lorries comin off an on.

I've been speaking to an engineering friend of mine, and he reckons that he could maybe fit a bow-thruster to your good wife. It would have a two fold benefit in that it could keep her against the sink, and help to clean the bath when she has her monthly abolutions!

You should always beware of anything that the Calmac boys have poachled. I hope to goodness you never paid good 'Money for auld rope'? Make sure you stir that red paint properly, as it can streak terribly. The white paint is fine and bright, but it goes funny as well if you leave it out in a cold shed for any length of time. I've never had anything to paint black, other than a few characters on here.

Mind you, the bow-thruster bit should be patented by the quack and Morenish. The cost of the few gallons of diesel to run the brute would pale into insignificance when you consider that the good lady would be kept clear of Tesco.

It would be worth considering a bigger bath as well. You could moor her up alongside the taps, giving you a ready made jacuzzi. Have I not heard that Morenish has got a splendid wood burning stove that would be ideal for heating an outside hot-tub? Mind you, by the shape of things, he'd rather spend time on here than ploostering aroond in the village's biggest bubble bath. Auld age doesna come alone, and don't I know it!

No sign of the bubbly fella at all. It must have been all that laughter with a captial 'S' that's run him to ground. The Bochan is also noticable by his absence, but maybe they're all spruced up waiting at the airport for the Texan chick!

That's a right cauld breeze out there today. The Sky has a right snowy look to it, and that's just the TV. I wonder if we'll ever get a Church of Tesco here in the village? They say it's great for firelighters!

[morenish]

You should always beware of anything that the Calmac boys have poachled. I hope to goodness you never paid good 'Money for auld rope'? Make sure you stir that red paint properly, as it can streak terribly. The white paint is fine and bright, but it goes funny as well if you leave it out in a cold shed for any length of time. I've never had anything to paint black, other than a few characters on here.

aye aye right the red paint made a damn good job o the old fergie, when i did it masel but the 1st time i payed yon blackard sanyana to dae it, ach ye'd think he painted it on the other side o a hedge wi a broken stick on a night wi no moon!
there was streaks an missed bits an more runs than a pakistani cricket side against the english!
when i went to gie the coos their silage the poor b****rs took flight and flattened 3 fences and a false tattie pit i built to fox sanyana this winter.
i had to go away tae the toon an get another bit sanpaper and start all over again, she ended up lookin that well i had the thought o giein mrs morenish a wee coat too, but she was smokin again an i thought it might be a bit o a fire hazzard.

i mistakenly used the black to paint the shed door handles jeest before i went to bed cos i had an idea sombody was helpin themselves to the barley, but when i got the local police to check, they couldn'y say whether it was paint or peat on the suspects, me forgettin it was cold there these last few nights, wi haen a big fire on oorsels.

the white stuff i sold on to a man at the fishin an my what a smert lookin boat he ended up with, she was like a yacht, but oh how he cursed when the cutter boys came aboard him and caught him wi the last cod on the west coast, they had been chasing him all year untill he used white then they had to wear dark glasses to get aboard.

but what i'm really in the market for is battleship grey, the last time i swapped a bag o tatties for a 45 gallon drum of it( i had a grey fergie then) i also gave the old transit van a coat, inside and out, and do you know it made her hellish cheap to run, any time i needed fuel i jeest pulled up at the NATO jetty and a nice wee man wid fill her up for me!
jeest signe the chit W Churchill and away ye go.

ach it's a hard life bein a fermer



[/quote]

[Sanyanya]

aye aye right the red paint made a damn good job o the old fergie, when i did it masel but the 1st time i payed yon blackard sanyana to dae it, ach ye'd think he painted it on the other side o a hedge wi a broken stick on a night wi no moon!
there was streaks an missed bits an more runs than a pakistani cricket side against the english!
when i went to gie the coos their silage the poor b****rs took flight and flattened 3 fences and a false tattie pit i built to fox sanyana this winter.

Now, Now Morenish, I know what they say about a poor tradesman and his tools, but the fact that you provided me with the hairiest brush in creation, didn't help at all. When you told me to stir it, I thought you meant on the forum, or to wind up Mrs Morenish, which I certainly wasn't prepared to risk doing.

Before you ask, no, it wasn't my good self that was in plundering the winter fuel from your shed with half of Deer Hill in it, and neither was it me who borrowed the tin of WD 40 from your shelf at the back of the shed. No sir indeed! I have to put my hand up to spending a few of the dry nights in the second warmest billet in the village.

Undoubtedly, Mrs Morenish wasn't hearing things. There was someone on the roof. I don't believe in the waste of good heat, like that which ventilates to atmosphere from your chimney these days. It has to be said however, that my relatives are wondering how on earth I am able to supply so much top quality smoked fish & game at the moment. I've had a few hairy moments it has to be said. When you let the fire go down too far and squirt on the creasote, I have to move very quickly to save my festive fayre. Also could you please make a concerted effort to only burn hardwoods in the evening, as the pine doesn't provide the optimum flavour.

If it pleases you, arrange for Mrs Morenish to climb up with some cling film and I'll pass you down a side of some prime smoked gleshin.

If you could be so kind as to throw on an extra plock or two of your best seasoned at the stroke of midnight, you can toast my posterior into 2006, assuming that it's dry.

A good New Year to you and Mrs Morenish

[Whips & Jingles]

Where has everyone gone. Is it very quiet in the village at the moment. I suppose that all the boats are back at sea?

What about the farmers, are they all working their fingers to the bone at the moment?

Did anyone tell bubbly jock that it's safe to come out of the woods? The only ovens running now will be in the bakehouse.

No doubt all the tinsel, baubles and good cheer are away in the 'Glen' for another year.

Anyway, happy winter solstice and all that. Heres to the passing of the next equinox!

[Ticketty Boo!]

Happy New Year to one and all.................

Ticketty, Mrs Ticketty and aw the wee Boos paid a visit to Trumpton last weekend for the Bells. A nice quiet weekend was had by all - because the kids weren't allowed in The Glen for the pairty. There is something to be said for midnight on the beach on yer tod - but I'm not sure what it is???

Anyways.......................

The quay is doing a fair resemblance of Annicker's midden. Is this an arts council funded project - or chust a midden? Who's responsibility is it to empty the overflowing oil bin? The Cooncil? There's scrap lying on the pier that was there in July. It's a grade "A" tip!! I appreciate it's a working harbour and am fully supportive of that - but tis a shitehole and no kidding!

The shore road is not a lot better. Port Righ bay has at least three clatty auld boats adorning it which will never sail again.

Yes, it's a rant from a visitor / outsider. Yes, I expect a load of abuse. But Yes, I love the wee place to bits and maybe it take's the view and opinion of somebody like me who's noticed the deterioration over the years to mention it? Am I in a minority of one?

On the plus side - the war memorial will look great when the bulbs are flowering in Spring and the overgrown paths that have been cleared look much better too.

Ticketty Boo!




ps........does turning the mattress around to face the rising sun really make the wife randier ?????????????

[morenish]

can a man no get a meenits peace fur a wee sleep!
bl**dy wummin whippin an jinglin, an some other bu**er booin doon at the quay, we'll sort it oot in a minute fur heevins sake!
well before pongal starts rantin anyways
mind you those at the fishin are a tad tawdry these days no like us fermers wi oor smert red trécters, if ony o you boys want a bit paint i know jeest the man ??

(an it's no you sanyana!)

[Right Pongal]

The quay is doing a fair resemblance of Annicker's midden. Is this an arts council funded project - or chust a midden? Who's responsibility is it to empty the overflowing oil bin? The Cooncil? There's scrap lying on the pier that was there in July. It's a grade "A" tip!! I appreciate it's a working harbour and am fully supportive of that - but tis a mince and no kidding!


Tickety Boo

Well it's naw often your far off the mark Tickety Boo, but by jove you've absoutely avoided missing and hitting the wall. It's a damned disgrace, far from Tickety Boo and certainly naw Right Pongal. You would have thought that some enterprising individual would have turned thon oil into 'Eco-diesel' by now. The fermers needn't bother crowing either, as I've got photos of them dumping their wives tights after they've filtered the recycled Unifarm.

It's a case of: 'Not in my back yard,' wae these devils!

Did you say that there's as much scrap lying on the pier as there is lying at the pier? It could well be a job for the Community Cooncil, who have orchestrated a grand job at the monument. I know that they're saying doon the Toon that it was all down to thon Witchnettle pointing the windmills at the village, but there's a damn site more involved than that.

The shore road is not a lot better. Port Righ bay has at least three clatty auld boats adorning it which will never sail again.

Are you sure that the East winds haven't washed some old hulks ashore, or uncovered the 'Stac Polly' from her sandy pit. Maybe Gary was roond from Waterfoot on the day that you visited, or Sanyanya has been out harpooning flounders again.

Yes, it's a rant from a visitor / outsider. Yes, I expect a load of abuse. But Yes, I love the wee place to bits and maybe it take's the view and opinion of somebody like me who's noticed the deterioration over the years to mention it? Am I in a minority of one?

Damn the bit Tickety Boo! We've all seen the slide doon hill over the years. It's naw the same place we grew up in, but unfortunately ye cannae turn the clock back. But......Credit where Credit is due, the EKCC is trying its damnedest to turn the tide. Not even the 'Stepping Stones' have managed that, but at least they're still damn near where they always were in the burn.

ps........does turning the mattress around to face the rising sun really make the wife randier ?????????????

Being an out and out conscientous objector, I'm afraid I'm not qualified to answer this one, but I'm damn sure that if you post this query wae Dr Snoddy Esq., he'll manage to put this one firmly to bed. I do mind that an auld ship-mate of mine used to say that you would know you were getting auld yersel when the sun rose earlier than you did in the morning.

Ach, I never quite understood what he was going on about, as I was aye an early riser maself, but not so good at keeping ma heid from the pillow at night!

[4th gen Suthen']

Southend calling Carradale, Southend calling Carradadale.........Holy Smoke!! I continue to gaze Northwards in astonishment and amazement!
naetin' like that ever happens doon here! well, one of my buddies, who MUST remain nameless, once set Dunaverty Rock on fire but that's about it! .... all that can be told anyway

The reason I came on here is to alert y'all to the Kevin Montgomery concert taking place in Campbeltown on the 24th of this month.
The top US country/rock star will be accompanied on stage by a man with very strong Carradale connections ( Southend and Campbeltown too) Johnny McKinnon, Johnny is very proud of his local roots and excited and nervous about playing a home town gig...........so, check out the Kevin Montgomery thread on this forum, there are pics of Kevin and Johnny and links to fan sites and house concert reviews and album reviews............

And, just for a wee Carradale, Robert the Brucey bonus, Les Oman and the Wild Sarachs are supporting!!

So, support your Carradale men, support Argyll FM, support the event and enjoy a faaaaantastic night of music.

Great entertainment on this thread by the way!

John

[4th gen Suthen']

Oh MY!!

That must be the cyber equivilant of the 2 chaps entering the busy, bustling, noisy, cheerful pub in American Werewolf! instant silence !!

A SOUTHEND man, on the Carradale threed!!

[Bochan Mor]

Oh MY!!

That must be the cyber equivilant of the 2 chaps entering the busy, bustling, noisy, cheerful pub in American Werewolf! instant silence !!

A SOUTHEND man, on the Carradale threed!!

The lights are on, but there's nobody ben the hoose!

[Bitter End]

Aye Bochan, thers naebody hame cause it wis the season o goodwill an peace to aall men an Ah hud tae veesit the bliddy relatives an Ah furgoat the laptoap an wis left blinded frae the threed an speechless tae! Hoo-ever haein taken my half pint o cud ile the system is noo back tae normal

[morenish]

Oh MY!!

That must be the cyber equivilant of the 2 chaps entering the busy, bustling, noisy, cheerful pub in American Werewolf! instant silence

4th for gods sake shshshshshshsh!

theres folk up here still goin aboot wi sore hieds an sorer wallets, an all you soothend folk can talk aboot is loud music, jeez man hae a bit compashun for the poor afllickted!

aye tis easy seen that those at the fushin haena beasts tae feed int mornin, an a bloody good job or the sspca wid hae a field day.
AND its awright bein tickety boo an right pongal when ye've nathin bigger than a seagulls sh**e tae wash of the boat wi a hose, but a hunner coos is a bigger challenge an needs bigger an better folk tae deal wi'it

hear thats a thought
if a seagull sh**es on yer boat is it ilegal dumping of organic waste to wash it off into the sea?
SEPA should be involved

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Welcome back Bitter and everyone. It was way too quiet around here. You know its bad when you start considering sending private messages to yourself because you know you are the only one left around to answer.