Carradale

[Bochan Mor]

Anyone going down to Southend to watch Carradale play this afternoon?

Gary

A hope Sanyanya didn't set off a day early on his pony to watch the Southend fermers knocking our haddies into the middle of next week. It seems that miracle hangover cure that was being touted around by someone who should have known better, was about as much use as one skelf ridden oar.

Never mind, the next game over on Alcatraz should hopefully be much better. As crofter golfers know to their cost, the island hosts make sure that no one leaves the island sober, but hopefully the intoxification commences after the fixture has been resolved.

[Snoddy]

Anyone going down to Southend to watch Carradale play this afternoon?

Gary

It seems that miracle hangover cure that was being touted around by someone who should have known better, was about as much use as one skelf ridden oar.

Would it be safe to assume that we have some quack in the village masquerading as a health professional.

I have explained to more of you than I care to remember, the only way to avoid that morning after feeling is to abstain. 'The liver may be evil' but you cannot survive in its absence.

Forget the switched eggs with Lea & Perrins, the Red Bull (Modern Day Lucozade or Dunsade) with salt.

Drink water, and drink plenty of it!

[Bobbly Juck]

Here bobbly, I could listen to you all day. You'd make a great teacher, jeest great!

Bochan Mor

You seem to be able to mend and splice, but can you steer a course?

[Bochan Mor]

Here bobbly, I could listen to you all day. You'd make a great teacher, jeest great!

Bochan Mor

You seem to be able to mend and splice, but can you steer a course?

Naw, you seem to confusing me with Aitch Oh

Aitch Oh; Aitch Oh, its to the clams you'll go,
You can mend and splice and steer a course,
Aitch Oh, Aitch Oh!

He was a damn handy man to have aboard, and faster than lightning.

He jeest couldna get on with 'Thunder!'

[Sanyanya]

Naw, you seem to confusing me with Aitch Oh

I think that you have missed a word out here Bochan. Here was me thinking that both bobbly and yourself had stuck in at school. Maybe it was only the wee school!

Bobbly must be due to go back on shift shortly, so we'll not be hearing from him until the duck race!

[morenish]

an what kinda course were you steering recently bochan?
were u awa sooth?

i hear some oh the toonie boats have taken on more orphans but female this time!!
not that id ever tell mrs bochan if you wer seen speaken to them mind, i'm a sole of discreshun

[Bochan Mor]

an what kinda course were you steering recently bochan?
were u awa sooth?

i hear some oh the toonie boats have taken on more orphans but female this time!!
not that id ever tell mrs bochan if you wer seen speaken to them mind, i'm a sole of discreshun

There you are now Morenish; if you'd been in the loop, you would have realised that the females have been there all along. They just haven't been working on the upper deck, if you understand what I mean. Aye, there damn good with an oily rag and a frying pan.

The clue was in the amount of food in the Tesco trolley and the slight frames of those pushing!

I'll speak to the Huge Trouser boys, who already seem to have your address, and beg that they spare you!

[Snoddy]

I couldn't help but notice the adoptive father of the orphans spectating at the 'Prawns in the Park' festival on the Island of Gigha at the weekend.

The question is: Who was looking after them?

Anything could have happened to those vulnerable souls. They could have been coerced into sailing their charge over the Kilbrannan Sound to the Arran Distillery, along with the Carradale AFC supporters club.

Yes, it could very easily have been a hands and knees sceinario at Lochranza on the way home. What could be worse you might ask? Well, I suppose sleeping three deep in a ditch on God’s Island might just take the biscuit!

On another topic, remember Mr Morenish, you can lead a bochan to water, but you cannot make it drink!

Thank goodness that I have retired well out of harms way!

[Bochan Mor]

On another topic, remember Mr Morenish, you can lead a bochan to water, but you cannot make it drink!

Thank goodness that I have retired well out of harms way!

Ach away Snoddery, you'd have a bigger job stopping us bochans drinking than forcing it doon oor thrapples. I expect you and your good lady are still fond of a wee drop of Plymouth Gin now and again, despite your earlier passion for the local maloogram whilst holidaying at Dalintober.

And we're all thanking goodness that your retired and well out of harms way.....

[bubbly jock]

Well, I suppose sleeping three deep in a ditch on God’s Island might just take the biscuit!

You're not inferring that the orphans parents would be so intoxicated that they would be lying in a ditch. Nobody would believe that so don't be starting rumours The only ditching the big fla should be doin anyway is ditching the orphans. They were seen in the job centre the day asking for application forms for the Irish ferry. Mind you I think they might be a bit yella and faded by the time yon Les gets round to announcing the route is up and running

Talking aboot running, that wee roadrunner, beep beep is in a spin aboot this marathon. He's like a dog with two tails and then some. I'll need to listen to the "sports" show to see if it affects his fitba heid on Saturday.

bubbly

[Bochan Mor]

I would imagine that the canal to Machrihanish will be finished ahead of LO announcing the first sailing of the mythical ferry. Has anyone mentioned the whelks to the orphans?

[Right Pongal]

Awfy goodie so. A' yer patter ranges from the whacko to the schlappdaddy and ne'er the twain shall meet. Some rattle atween you all, and wir wee band looks furrit to seeing yezawe capering and fechtin' an a'thing on the 24th September.

.......................................E'en the Heidless ane might find his head therein or thereon, or at least in part.


HT

Aye do you think were all mad: Pay ye a pound jeest to jump aboot a darkened room, albeit a big room. Naw, I think I'll head off to the graveyard at Waterfoot and have a blether and a dance wae Gorten Jocky & Gorten Hare, then run across the Stepping Stones to the Doag's slabs for some more nonsense.

There's no need for the Keech Reaper, as all these K9s dropped their last many decades ago.

Just you watch your step Buchan More, your dealing with things that you couldn't possibly know enough about. You could quite easily conjure up the devil himself, or encourage the Gallach Plottach to shift from Portrigh, round the point, across the Bay and into the Burn.

If your firing dried peas around the estate roads, then its your civic duty to go and pick them up before they go to seed. Again, your decrying the splendid work of the honourable Mr Sutherland. Moornesh and yourself need to get a grip of yourselves

[Sanyanya]

Just you watch your step Buchan More, your dealing with things that you couldn't possibly know enough about. You could quite easily conjure up the devil himself, or encourage the Gallach Plottach to shift from Portrigh

No use shutting the door after the horse has bolted. I fear that it has already come to pass. Let me explain. Curiosity got the better of me last night (The aroma of beautiful food) and I took a peak into the Village Hall.

Aghast................ is the only way to describe my feelings about the scene that I witnessed. I was totally dumbfounded to discover that a large proportion of the middle-aged, male population in the village are transvestites. Not only that, their wifes seem to condone their actions, with some even joining in on the role reversal.

I'm not entirely sure, my imagination may have been playing tricks, but I could have sworn that a man with a dog-collar and a goats head (Could this be the return of Tom Rogers?) was performing what looked like a marriage ceremony on a same sex couple. The congregation seemed to be made up of the church elders and many of the older people in the village.

I decided that my safety could be compromised if the throng realised that they had an observer from outwith the cult. I tried a sample of the roast beef and borrowed the bottle of sherry that was about to be interlaced through the trifle. I reckoned that it wasn't really a kindness allowing the ringleaders the opportunity to ply the poor old souls with strong liquer, in an attempt to wipe their memories of the event.

I could just see the scenario, once they had completely intoxicated the elders and packed them all off home, the real debauchery would begin, no doubt into the wee small hours.

What next you might ask? McFly will release a single called Pinball Wizard. No that's already happened!

Next weekend, the same stage will be dominated by a group of strangely dressed characters who seem to converse in tongues. All of a sudden Port Glasgow or Southend look quite inviting!

I'm damn glad I keep myself to myself

[Bochan Mor]

Allow you Sanyanya: Your like a sparra sitting on a coos tail, waiting on a hot dinner.

I wasn't there maself, but I lent my dog to the sect, as they were looking for a master of ceremony. I thought he looked quite fetching in red!

The poor old souls had to do without the sherry because you reckoned your need was greater than their's. You're a miserable beggar right enough!

[LO]

I would imagine that the canal to Machrihanish will be finished ahead of LO announcing the first sailing of the mythical ferry ?

How's yer mythical canal doing, tumshie-heid?