Carradale

[Hoopoe]

I hear the water board had to come out on Monday to clear a blocked drain in the vicinity of the village hall. Seems that they discovered a dis-regarded and heavily-soiled pair of Y-fronts blocking the drain. Anyone want to claim them?

[Bitter End]

Ah think you have goat me plum to right Dr Snoddy It widna be that hard tae be much wiser than me . ma sister is twice as cliver an shes hauf wittid .I took some o the advice aboard o'er the port gunnal and tried a jaunt up Deer hill this morn --dam near kilt me , but wis able tae recover at the top wi hauf a dozen cans o tennants special. The doonhill wis a scoosh. the morra a wee swim tae Arran an then up Goat Fell Fur a few mair broon bottles

[Bochan Mor]

Ah think you have goat me plum to right Dr Snoddy It widna be that hard tae be much wiser than me . ma sister is twice as cliver an shes hauf wittid .I took some o the advice aboard o'er the port gunnal and tried a jaunt up Deer hill this morn --dam near kilt me , but wis able tae recover at the top wi hauf a dozen cans o tennants special. The doonhill wis a scoosh. the morra a wee swim tae Arran an then up Goat Fell Fur a few mair broon bottles

My goodness Bitter End. By the sounds of it, that must have been your drawers that were blocking the drain. You know, for one minute I thought that maybe they were Morenish's, and that was the reason that he hadn't shown his face at the jig. Ach well, he must have taken a swig of the parafin that starts his tractor and the next thing he knew, was he had woken up on the couch in a state of undress.

This must be what Hugs Thistles refers to as a trouserless morning!

[Bitter End]

Naw Naw thems nae ma drawers , ma problem wis the 6 inch arsehole an the 4 inch pipe, tae borrow an auld crofters tale. Ma drawers are weel streetched as Snoddy suspects but stull intact an oan ma person

[Snoddy]

Naw Naw thems nae ma drawers , ma problem wis the 6 inch arsehole an the 4 inch pipe, tae borrow an auld crofters tale. Ma drawers are weel streetched as Snoddy suspects but stull intact an oan ma person

By the sounds of things young man, its more than your drawers that are stretched.

Make an appointment for the next dry Tuesday!

[Bochan Mor]

I couldn't help but notice the splendid, brightly coloured fishing vessel at the centre of this week's 'Photo of the Week'.

She seems to be flying a flag up forward, but due to the resolution, I was unable to determine which flag. Bubbly jock hinted that it might be a flag of inconvenience, due to the distance that the crew have to walk home at weekends.

Morenish however says that it is a duster being waved by some refugees at a passing coaster. Can anyone shed some light on the matter?

Was Hoopoe's announcement earlier in the week regarding a flag of no public convenience, or was it just a desperate cry, by a desperate man for assistance?

Answers please at your earliest conven..... never mind!

[morenish]

it would appear from these pictures that a certain civil servant who lives in this village is branching out into the constuction industry using his family name, is this for cleaning drains if the rods dont work?
is this machine for building a new football pitch over the winter?
good luck [img][img]http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a111/morenish/digger3s.jpg[/img]
[/img]

[Bochan Mor]

Now Morenish, don't you be getting too cheeky on it. The man in question may be far away, but as you well know, driving back & forward through the night is not beyond a young minded fella with mountains of stamina.

The 'Black Shadow' could descend at any moment and strike when least expected. Maybe just as yer tying the tarpaulin round the track control rods on yer big shiny red tractor.

Heaven Help ye if it does!

[Right Pongal]

Heavens above, don't tell me they have internet connections up in Ullapool as well. Is there no escaping from technology at all?

Mr Morenish had better watch his step right enough. They say that you don't want to be on the wrong side of the councillor when the red mist descends across his peepers.

Talking of PEEPERS, I don't think his grandfaither was very fond of them at all! Amongst the words that you could post, he said something about them being noisy and naw being Right Pongal!

What say you Sanyanya old stocking????

[bubbly jock]

She seems to be flying a flag up forward, but due to the resolution, I was unable to determine which flag. Bubbly jock hinted that it might be a flag of inconvenience, due to the distance that the crew have to walk home at weekends.

It's a flag waving ceremony tae say cheerio tae wan of the orphans who has pressing business in Lithuania.

The sale of big Alec's hoose means he can noo get a holiday home in Vilnius and Simba's away tae smooth the way for the purchase.

Prices are anything upwards from a bag oh queenies for a flat tae two boxes of prawns for a semi detatched.

bubbly

[Bochan Mor]

Aye bubbly, 'come away ben the hoose' as they used to say at Waterfit. Welcome back into the fold.

There's been no landed gentry here since the passing of Noo and Sir Loin of Steak. I've warned you before about getting mixed up with the Lowlanders. As you know, they can be a wee wee bit touchy, unlike the villagers here, who never take themselves too seriously.

Morenish here had a fearful weekend of it last week: Took such an erse cracker that he fell asleep before he managed to quick step over the road to the hall and the Huge Trooser thing.

It also looks like we've seen the back of that imposter bobbly jumper. It seems that one of the Trooser boys took a shine to him. I hope he realises what he's let himself in for!

[bubbly jock]

Aye yer right bochan mor, they're really touchy doon there. The chooky must have skin like paper.

Poor auld bobbly jumper. Mind you I was wondering why wan of the trooser gang was wearing wellies. Noo I know. Ach, maybe they'll be very happy.

bubbly

[Bochan Mor]

Aye yer right bochan mor, they're really touchy doon there. The chooky must have skin like paper.

Poor auld bobbly jumper. Mind you I was wondering why wan of the trooser gang was wearing wellies. Noo I know. Ach, maybe they'll be very happy.

bubbly

Aye ye know what they say down South. 'There's nowt as queer as folk!'

[Hugs Thistles]

Aye yer right bochan mor, they're really touchy doon there. The chooky must have skin like paper.

Poor auld bobbly jumper. Mind you I was wondering why wan of the trooser gang was wearing wellies. Noo I know. Ach, maybe they'll be very happy.

bubbly

Aye ye know what they say down South. 'There's nowt as queer as folk!'

Cheeses! These Kintyresters are a tough breed. Nae tea and only ane slice o' toast an' egg since Sunday last. "Whit's that?... No! Nae mair o' that nonsense, but fetch me my loafers, Scotsman, papers and baccy. And nae answering back."

[Snoddy]

it would appear from these pictures that a certain civil servant who lives in this village is branching out into the constuction industry using his family name, is this for cleaning drains if the rods dont work?
is this machine for building a new football pitch over the winter?
good luck

Dear Mr Morenish,

I am extremely disappointed that it has come to my attention that you recently traversed further than your bareable pain threshold (BPT) range of Redhouse to the North and Stewarton to the South (Without medical intervention), having been spotted casually browsing through copies of 'Farmer's Weekly' & 'Strathearn Herald' on the Northern most extremity of the fishing village of Tarbert.

I am also sorry to have to inform you that your application for an upgrade to your Motability vehicle has been unanimously rejected by the local panel, as 'John Deer' & 'Zetor' are most definitely not on the list of approved manufacturers.

If you have the desire and inclination to appeal against this decision, you are entitled to make an appointment to appear before the panel at my surgery at a mutually acceptable time & date.

PS: Please do not consider insulting the panel with your usual, but generous, offer of 'a plentiful supply of Golden Wonders, free range eggs, golden ball turnips and the pickings from the tops of the boxes landed by the local nephrop fleet,' as this will have absolutely no influence on our final recommendation.

Do remember however to bring your cocktail sticks, painkillers, cod-liver oil capsules, prescription exemption certificate, tyre levers, clean pyjamas & 18 year old bottle of Springbank, in case we require to elevate you from the surgery floor at the conclusion of our meeting!