Carradale

[Bitter End]

Well auld yin , Ah warned ye aboot Bochan Folds ! ye hid better git oan a right guid soowester before the doonpour an maybe a life belt tae afore yer up tae yer oaxters fur Ahnm no goanny dive in an gie ye the kiss o life!

[Right Pongal]

What's all this talk about folds and the likes?

Deng all but fermer talk, I would say. And here, remember the humble beginnings of Christmas, so spare the damned turkey at Christmas.

A boiled gleshin, and be damn glad of it, would be more like.

Ask the Trapper; he'll be sitting down to a damn good feed of salt herrin or smoked rid-fish if really pushed.

All this wile talk on this thread of late, its naw right pongal!

[Bochan Mor]

Bochan mor

Heres a wee Xmas card for you
Watch out for BaaRamEwe

Jeest in case I'm taken alive by russtlers

Be nice to your turkeys this Christmas.
Cos' turkeys just wanna have fun
..........................................................
..........................................................
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
They all have a right to a life,
Not to be caged up and genetically made up
By any farmer and his wife."


bubbly

Aye bubbly, the dark nights and mornings can be stark enough, without the thought of having your neck stretched beyond redemption and gizzards pulled by some phsycho killer, hell bent on stuffing his own alimentary canal and those of his nearest & dearest, with your finest white meat.

I spotted the following picture in the 'Turkey Telegraph' last weekend and thougth that it was quite apt.



It just goes to show: Next time you order mince doon the Longrow, make sure that your back's to the wall and there's naebody or naething dangling from the ceiling!

On another note, did you see that Oban forum highlighted by Iona. It was full of exciting characters like 'Nick' & 'Nick' and I'm nearly sure that there was another 'Nick'. Aye, it averages about 3 postings a year, and most of them are by some poor soul called 'Nick', who's crying out like 'Miranda the Tempest' in an effort to entice posters who have strayed off their path, to founder on his forum. Not for one minute would I even suggest that it's dull as dish-water, but it did remind of me of thon film 'Misery' with the poor man lying in the bed and all the doors of the house bolted from the inside and out. Seems that 'Nick' pulled his most read, albeit controversial thread as it was getting out of hand. And what was it about: 'Kintyre'. There was one noteworthy cheeky 'B', but he was sorted by our Davie P. Imagine calling yourself: 'Don't VisitKintyre'. I hope it's naw a former correspondent from this forum bearing a grudge.

I mean Oban only has one distillery and doesn't even have a smokehoose. The nearest they ever got was the day room in the old County Chest Hospital. The nurses used to leave their blocks of cheddar in a ventilated box that had been strategically screwed to the ceiling, at a point where the highest concentration of smoke could be found. They would have it roasted on toast when all the patients had turned blue and been oxtered back to their oxygen masks, preparing their lungs for the next, and possibly last, blast of tar & nicotine. The nurses were perplexed for a while after smoking was banned in the day rooms. However, luckily for them, the secret of the Bochan Cheese from the Roading wafted with osmotic pressure to the unenlightened. Initially small amounts were circulated through the Street Markets in the West End of Glasgow. Such was the level of smoke, that a gram here and there, eventually found there way onto the Oban train and up to the hospitals. I expect Auld Pop might also have smuggled a quarter pound or two into one of his auld cronies at some point or another.

Anyway, Nick might as well just put a link on his front page straight to Davie P's site, in an effort to arouse and inject a bit of fresh interest. On the other hand, Davie could put some of his fence sitters up there for a week or two, where they will feel quite at home. Anyone that steps out of line, and there are one or two contenders, could be automatically re-directed to Inveraray for the first offence, then Oban if they choose to persist.

Bubbly, at least you and me will be OK, but thon Snoddy, Wetman, Oorly Gourly, Malky, Ninja Mania and Bitter End better watch their step. Auld Pop could be on ground as shoogly as his knees, but at least he could plead amnesia......

[take_a_pop]

Och ye canna send an auld fla, lak ma,sel awa ben them places, a wid hae a wild job kerryin ma bedpan under ma erms, as a hobble along wae a stik in each haan. Help ma bob, a sumtime need a wee nursy, oh ma ane, to help me reach the perts, that a jeest canna get tae enymer.
Aye ma last we veesit tae yon hospi up Oban, wuz naw the best wan ye cuid ask fur, but a got tae see an auld bluebell that wurks ther, an meny a time, she set ma loins un fire, yon ralgex can burn yer breeks off, if rub,d in the rang spot. Aye she ken,t the best wae tae a man,s hert, did she naw jeest, ma wee matchstick maa,m.
Noo whoot wiz it a came on hear tae say tae ye Bochan ?? Jeengs haf a naw jeest gan an furgot.This ridy amnesia, a ownly came in fur a slice oh yon cheese.

[oorly gourlay]

Now, now Bochan Mor, please don't add notoriety to my profile as I don't want to have to start walking through the toon sideways with my back to the wall. Of your two options, I'll take Oban where I'm quite at home, usually for a week each month where I play "find the Scotman". I'll keep going back until I find one and that's not an option in Inveraray, ancestral home of yon clan.

oorly

[Bochan Mor]

Now, now Bochan Mor, please don't add notoriety to my profile as I don't want to have to start walking through the toon sideways with my back to the wall. ..........
oorly

Here was me thinking that I'd heard the last of the Campbeltown Crab syndrome for a while, but damn me, you've brought it all back to the fore yet again!

that's not an option in Inveraray, ancestral home of yon clan.

There's a few of 'Yon Clan' up around these parts as well, but they're naw so much to the fore as they used to be.

[oorly gourlay]

There's a few of 'Yon Clan' up around these parts as well, but they're naw so much to the fore as they used to be.

Aye Bochan Mor, the office pulled me out of there for my own safety

Here was me thinking that I'd heard the last of the Campbeltown Crab syndrome for a while, but damn me, you've brought it all back to the fore yet again!

At least I think I'm well balanced, I've got the French fries on both shoulders but they're a bugger for the craws and seagulls

oorly

[Bitter End]

Aye the Bochan. Ah wis jist lie'n low letten the cauld pass by. Whit aboot the Oban Hydro?Did the men buildin it git a whiff o the Bochan cheese in the breeze and cum doon richt quick tae Kintyre.find the best o company and mair distilleries an forget tae gang back? Is this wan o the reasons thers naebudy left up ther tae write a thread? Aye maybe the wans left are sewin wi the threads. an makin a dugs denner out o thim,or hair shirts!

[Bochan Mor]

Noo whoot wiz it a came on hear tae say tae ye Bochan ?? Jeengs haf a naw jeest gan an furgot.This ridy amnesia, a ownly came in fur a slice oh yon cheese.

You auld Rascal Pop, I thought that I recognized you from somewhere!



I expect you get a share of the royalties?

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Misread that. Thought it said "use snarlingly."

[Bochan Mor]

Misread that. Thought it said "use snarlingly."

Too Late Bobbie, you've obviously taken more than your quota!

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Oh No!! So I misread the word and didn't take it sparingly! Is that why I have the irresistable urge to sign myself Bochan en Tejas? Will I grow more hair on my chest?

[take_a_pop]

Royalties, whuts that, a jeest let them use ma I.D. fur a hav a face that cuid sell, sand tae the Arabs,and a get awe the cheese a can eet.
Aye that photo wuz na taken yesterday, but av a naw still got it ladyies.

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Yes, take a pop, you've obviously still got it! You ARE the big cheese!

[Bochan Mor]

Oh No!! So I misread the word and didn't take it sparingly! Is that why I have the irresistable urge to sign myself Bochan en Tejas? Will I grow more hair on my chest?

Its far too late to be worrying now ma lassie. The damage is obviously done. It's unlikely that you will grow any more hair on yer chest, but the fact that its there already suggests that the Bochan gene has obviously found its way to Texas through your Kintyre connections.

For god's sake don't let on to your neighbours directly, but keep a straight face as you deeve the life out of them!