The Kintyre Forum

I took more than 3 hours tonight trying to figure out how to fill out that darned World Cup Predictor thingy and drank two glasses of wine so I'm very unpredictable and shouldn't really post things but I felt such a fool today. After work, I went to my local 'beauty parlour' (doesn't that sound quaint?) as a friend had given me a voucher for a facial as a present. When I got there, the girl was very young and sweet but had a very strong Birmingham accent. She took me into the treatment room and explained everything: how to lie upon the bed thing, tie back my hair, loosen my clothing around my neck and shoulders and . . . take off my knickers!!!!! I was totally confounded. When she left me, I did all she told me but I couldn't understand why I had to remove my . . .
I swayed between taking them off and not until she returned and I meekly told her I was sorry but did she know why I was there? She confirmed that it was was for a facial so I asked her why I had to remove my knickers. She burst out laughing and said I was to remove my necklace! Oh boy, was I feeling dumb?

And Mr Govangirl said it was just as well I didn't remove them and then lie up on the table and frighten the poor lassie!!!!

And no Ags, (bet you thought it was) it wasn't THAT story - that's just too embarrassing!

Ah, the old phrase springs to mind GG. You can take the girl out of Govan but you can't take the Govan out of .................. Thank you for that.

Brilliant GG

Reminds me of the story of the Glasgow patient lying on the trolley bed in the Southern General corridor. He catches the young nurse's eye as she walks past, and mutters from under his oxygen mask "Are my testicles black?".

The young nurse stops, smiles, lifts up his gown, has a look, has a wee rummage about to check underneath, and then puts everything back where it was.

"No, everything seem to be fine" she replies

At which point the male patient removes the oxygen mask and repeats "ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK!"

lol govan and sheik..

A pal of mine went in for a vasectomy.Unfortunately he was castrated on the operating table.Realising his mistake,the hapless surgeon told the nurse to rush down to the canteen and return with two pickled onions,which she duly did.he promptly stitched them in the appropriate place and completed the correct op.
Three weeks later he returned to the surgeon who enquired as to his well-being,and asked if he noticed any side effects.He stated that all was well apart from getting aroused every time he saw a cheese sandwich.