The Kintyre Forum

Young Roddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'

Roddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Roddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Roddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Roddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Roddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Roddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Roddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Roddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland.

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a Euro100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the Euro100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the Euro100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the Euro100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the Euro100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the Euro100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the Euro100 note back on the counter so the rich German traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the German traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the Euro100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.

(not my personal view of what's going on over the sea mind!)