Pommie in Aussie

[Dunc R]

In the north of Australia is a place called Queensland which is
very hot, humid and the pubs are rough.

Anyway, this posh pommie (English) bloke is travelling through
Queensland in the middle of summer by bicycle and is caught in a
huge tropical storm. He sees a sign which says there is a pub 18
miles up the road. So he rides his bike to the pub and when he
finally gets there his appearance resembles that of a drowned
rat.

Anyway, the locals hardly even look up from their beers as he
walks on, dripping wet, and heads up to the bar and orders a
scotch on ice. The barman gives him the worst scotch he has ever
tasted but the pommie drinks it down and asks the barman where
the dunny (toilet) is. The barman tells him it is outside.

So the pommie trudges outside into the rain and all he can see in
the rain is two big piles of poo, one much bigger than the other.
So the pommie walks over to the smaller pile, relieved that
someone had the sense to start a new pile since the larger one
was clearly unmanageable.

He has his pants around his ankles and is in the process of
relieving himself when a gunshot rings out and a bullet smacks
into the heap just beside his head.

Well the poor pommie turns around, in a somewhat vulnerable
position, and sees this huge Aussie guy standing at the door of
the pub with his still smoking gun in his hand.

"What..What is going on?" Stammers the poor pommie.

The huge Aussie responds "Get the hell out of the Ladies you
dirty bXXtard."