The Kintyre Forum

I was asked to help in a 10 mile Fun Run. I said, “P*ss off!”
They said, “Oh come on, it’s for disabled and blind kids.”

So I thought………….. Feck it, I could win this!

Sorry

Blind chap with a dog standing at a bus stop.The dog lifts it`s leg and urinates on the blind man`s leg.
The blind man puts his hand in his pocket,takes out a biscuit and feeds it to the dog.
A passer-by remarks,"What a kind gesture after what your dog has just done."
The blind man replies.Now I know which end his mouth is I can kick him in the balls."

A woman is taking a bath.There is a knock on the door.She goes to the door and shouts,"I can not let you in,I am completely naked.The man at the door says,"It is O.K.,I am a blind man."
She opens the door,the man enters and says,"Nice tits,where do you want the blind?"

Man in a bar in Cornwall orders a pint.
Barman. "Thought you were taking the kids from the blind school out for the day?"
Man. "Yeah, I'm on a break. they're playing footy on the village green."
Barman. "How do they do that, then?"
Man. "Ball's got a bell in it. They hear the bell they kick it."

A local walks in with a look of shock on his face. "Helluva scrap on the village green...there's a bunch of kids kicking the s**t out of the Morris dancers."

nice one govan

Angus, your first post and it's to praise my joke - I'm honoured! Welcome to the forum, it's been a long time since I heard your name

A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional weight-lifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously Mister, Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A blonde and a male friend met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Glasgow Bridge. The blonde bet the man £50 that he wouldn't jump, and he replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave him the £50. The guy said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the man said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

It's only peroxide blondes who have a shallow tendency. Genuine blondes tend to be interesting, intelligent and witty. It's just hard to tell the difference sometimes.

No need to be confused Hugh, I can assure you that most genuine blondes are indeed interesting, intelligent and witty. Case closed.