of Dos and DO NOT DOs in our fair country. I hope they are of some help in
allowing you to
understand our social rules and etiquette.
1. It is considered bad manners for tourists to pay for drinks in Glasgow
Pubs. The biggest person
in the bar (referred to as The Numpty) will be only too happy to pay. i.e.
BARMAN: "That will be
twenty pounds sir." TOURIST: "The Big Numpty over there is paying." BARMAN:
"That will do nicely
sir." BIG NUMPTY: "Welcome to Scotland."
2. In Highland pubs always ask for plenty of water when drinking the local
single malts, this tells
the locals that you like it so much that you want to make it last longer.
After your first sip
announce to everyone in the bar in a loud voice "This is pish!" from the
Gaelic Piesh Na' lavvy
meaning Water of God.
3. Thurso is Scotland's largest hypermarket and multiscreen cinema complex
and is only a short taxi
ride from Glasgow.
4. The Scottish Police Force actively encourage tourists to take their hats
as souvenirs.
5. Braemar is famous for its miles of sandy beaches and has some of the
best surfing in Europe.
6. Balmoral Castle sits on top of Ben Nevis near Sauchiehall Street in
Edinburgh. There is a cable
car from Edinburgh Zoo to the top of Ben Nevis. Because of its height it
offers all year round
skiing and there is a revolving restaurant on the roof of the castle.
7. Often you will see men in bowler hats marching about playing the flute
and banging a drum. This
is a multi denominational religious ceremony and the object of this
procession is to collect
pictures of religious leaders which must be stuck to the drum. Any images,
particularly those of the
Pope, will be greatly appreciated.
8. There is a nocturnal thistle called a "Spiky Jessie" which is found on
Calton Hill in Edinburgh.
As these flowers only open at night a trip up the hill is recommended. Just
tell a taxi driver that
you want to go up Calton Hill to take pictures of the Jessies coming out and
he will be happy to
oblige.
9. The Latin inscription on Edinburgh's coat of arms says "You'll have had
your tea?"
10. The most popular hotel in Glasgow is called The Barlinnie.
11. Old people are banned from Scottish towns on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If
you see any gently
restrain them until a police officer arrives. This may also provide an
opportunity to get a hat as a
souvenir..
12. Glasgow operates a policy of plain clothed street bankers. As it is well
known that carrying
small change can tear people's pockets, these bankers will approach tourists
and ask if they have
any spare change. Once given this money they will exchange it for coins or
notes of a higher
denomination. In order to deter criminals, these Bankers often dress in a
scruffy unkempt manner but
they are all highly trained in finance.
13. Edinburgh Zoo has an "adopt an animal" scheme and tourists may take home
any animal they wish.
14. At many beauty spots you will find musicians playing the bagpipes. They
are employed by the
Scottish Government to provide tourists with spending money, which can be
found in bowls beside
them. Feel free to take as much money as you want.
15. William Wallace escaped the army of Oliver Cromwell by jumping over The
River Forth at Perth on
a motorbike.
16. If you go to a concert by The Royal Scottish National Orchestra it is
considered impolite not to
shout "Hoots!" during quiet sections of music.
17. Celtic are known as the 'Gers due to being formed by Gerry O'Malley a
fruit importer who was the
first man to introduce citrus fruit to Scotland. So if you walk into a pub
filled with people
wearing green and white say "Up the 'Gers, I'm proud to be an orange man!"
and you will receive a
warm welcome.
18. Policemen are known by the old Gaelic word "keech"..
19. "Jobbie" is a word meaning a lot of effort has gone into producing
something i.e. when you have
enjoyed a meal, tell the waiter that it "tasted like a great jobbie
