The Kintyre Forum

"Take your face for a shit!"

You've goat a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle.

You've got a face like a bull dog chewin a wasp!

The last time I saw an arse like that, Sabu was hitting it with a stick.

Attributed to Phil Jupitus when someone called him a fat b*****d."That`s because everytime I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit".

You are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
I like you.You remind me of the time I was young and stupid.
You are doing a village out of an idiot.

There have been great putdown badinages from history. My fave is when George Bernard Shaw wrote to Churchill, “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend . . . if you have one.” Churchill replied: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one.”

If I had a face like that, I'd shave me erse and walk backwards!

It's like you've fallen out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Nancy, Lady Astor, said to Winston Churchill, "Sir, you`re drunk", to which he replied, "Madam, you`re ugly, but I`ll be sober in the morning"!

Again Nancy Astor to Churchill, "If you were my husband I`d poison your tea", he said, "If you were my wife I`d drink it!"