General Jack Oneil thread

[general jack o'niell]

must be, cos my erms are a whooralength

[The Hitman]

That's the only reason I could think on folk no buying a round!!!

Tighter than a ducks erse!! (an that's water tight!!)

[general jack o'niell]

no, not at all, i'm just a miserable b@st@rd when it comes to buying drink, one will do me all night, i don't need it to be sociable

who am i kidding, i've never been sociable, drunk or sober!!!!!

[sconeface]

you guys are getting on so well now - perhaps you could get married?

[The Elusive Mr D.]

I'm sure I remember The General buying a round of drinks upstairs in the Argyll hotel once, it was when he was still single and trying to impress a young lady. It must have worked coz they're still married

[dunoon]

what a memory Mr D. that was the only time he bought a round!

[The Elusive Mr D.]

Well it was a memorable event, on a par with Apollo 11 landing on the moon, or Margaret Thatcher smiling at a miner, (or maybe that was a minor).

[Sweltered]

Must say I've never seen it, nor heard about it.

I think this is an urban myth

[Ninja Mania]

[petewick]

I'm sure I remember The General buying a round of drinks upstairs in the Argyll hotel once, it was when he was still single and trying to impress a young lady. It must have worked coz they're still married

The same ploy worked for you

[general jack o'niell]

what a memory you have, it will be 24yrs this november so you must be going back over a quarter of a century(wrote it that way as it appears longer than just putting 25).

just a small point but i seem to remember the last time i was in a licensed premises with Mr. D i bought him several ciders and the last time i was in Dunoons house i came armed with adult beverages.

on the other hand, Dedalus left 8 bottles of beer in my house the other month and i stuck them in a cupboard and said "that'll be the xmas drink sorted then?" not that i'd be drinking it myself, whats the point of being 14 if you can't steal drink out your own house now and again!!!!

anyway its impossible to be mean when you have a wife who always insists that you buy the first drink, knowing full well its the only one you'll drink all night, so in fact i am cheap company as you'll never need to buy me one!!!!

[The Hitman]

Just be honest General, you canna handle your drink!

I on the other hand am a seasoned professional in the art of binge drinking, I'd show ye how it's done but there's no point, seeing as your a one can dan!

[general jack o'niell]

not that i can't handle it, just that after four, anyone who has had more than me starts to get really boring, so i stop, last thing i'd want to do was end up being boring like all the rest. plus four is just enough to put an overload on my sarcasm gene, not that i'm supposed to have one nevermind four.

ok i'll be honest, i've never found a drink i actually liked, so i don't bother, that and i'm smart enough to know that you don't get more intelligent, wittier or better company in direct proportion to how much you drink. just a little reminder for all those sow's ears out there, no, your not, doesn't matter how much you may think you are, your not, not sober and definately not drunk. better to sit back, shut up and watch the master, listen carefully and if your lucky, most of it won't fly over your head, slim odds on it, but you might learn something.

i am the antichrist, i am an anarchist

don't know what i want, but i know how to get it

i want to destroy posters, cos, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

wanna bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

ME!!!!!

[The Hitman]

Ahh, the drivel I missed whilst away at the golf course, wish I could say it's good to be back but it's not.

Did ye hear about the mexican who was arrested for trying to throw his wife over the balcony?

When questioned why he tried to do this terrible crime he simply said "Tequila!"

[general jack o'niell]

where were you when you were away? 1932?