The Kintyre Forum

I've got 3 weeks left before my oldest moves out to go to University and I'm dreading it. Empty-nest syndrome is the name given to a psychological condition that can affect a woman around the time that one or more of her children leave home. Personally, I don't like the label but I suppose it's a useful enough phrase for encapsulating the feelings of sadness that are experienced when children move out of the family home. Believe me, I haven't got any 'psychological condition' but I often stop and think about it then have this disconcerting desire to weep. I swear it feels like only yesterday that I was changing his nappies and wiping his nose, so it's natural to be sad; after all, I've spent the last 18 years or so bringing him up and watching him develop into this great person. It's also about an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia of 'childhood gone' I suppose. He also has no idea about why I feel like this although I fully understand that one.
Anyway, any tips on making the day to come any better for me? Am I just worrying about nothing?

Think of a fledgling bird and the pride and joy of watching it fly from the nest.I was un-lucky.One of mine came back.
Start a new brood? Take pleasure that you have done as much as you possibly can for the road ahead.You will always be there for help and advice.Don`t mean to sound like an agony aunt,but have experienced the same.

Thanks Roger. It's not as if I'm going to have an empty nest - I've got two more at home! It's just the fact there's going to be only four round the table every night instead of five. I am very proud indeed of him but it's like the start of something new here and I am going to miss him

Our eldest is off to Uni next Saturday and I can't say that we are feeling anything like what you are Govangirl. We probably won't even notice as she's never in, and when she is, she's normally asleep !! TBH, we'll miss her sense of humour more than anything. She was away in Germany for 4 months last year (part of a gap year to learn German) and although we did miss her at the start, you soon get used to it. The peace and quiet is nice

Malky

Govangirl wrote:Thanks Roger. It's not as if I'm going to have an empty nest - I've got two more at home! It's just the fact there's going to be only four round the table every night instead of five. I am very proud indeed of him but it's like the start of something new here and I am going to miss him

Set the same places,toast absent friends,cheer up.

Malky, you're right I know and I guess that's really what I will feel - he's either out most of the time or he's playing too-loud music in his room. But this feeling of the family breaking up......... I guess that's it. It's so silly.

Govangirl wrote:Malky, you're right I know and I guess that's really what I will feel - he's either out most of the time or he's playing too-loud music in his room. But this feeling of the family breaking up......... I guess that's it. It's so silly.

Not silly,just human.

Govangirl wrote:Malky, you're right I know and I guess that's really what I will feel - he's either out most of the time or he's playing too-loud music in his room. But this feeling of the family breaking up......... I guess that's it. It's so silly.

I think that probably summed my parents up when my sister and I moved out! My dad still brings it up when we bring our mini's up and they slam doors and plays music too loud, and they are only 9 and 2! Just like what we did before we left! I'm sure it's with love tho! (and I know my mum is reading this too and agreeing) I hope!

Maybe I'll just play his BOOM-BOOM-BOOM music in his room, shut the door and pretend he's still in there then!

LANDROVER ROGER wrote:

Govangirl wrote:It's just the fact there's going to be only four round the table every night instead of five. I am very proud indeed of him but it's like the start of something new here and I am going to miss him

Set the same places,toast absent friends,cheer up.

Take a lodger? Think about fostering?

Beachcomber wrote:Take a lodger? Think about fostering?

Good ideas but I've still got two teenagers at home and whole classrooms of them every day. No, it's that I'm going to miss HIM.

GG, I`ve had 5 children, and I must admit that the only time I felt anything like you`re feeling was when the last one left, not the first. It didn`t last long, I soon realised the benefits, less washing, ironing, bed changing and cleaning up after!

Then I will have to admit to being silly then. I couldn't discuss it with family because my brother's son died a few years ago and he'd LOVE to have my problem and I couldn't talk with my friends because they all say that I've been through much worse with the death of my first son so I can handle this problem (sure I can but this is THIS son). Anyway, I guess now that it's actually a GOOD worry to have, isn't it? I'm very emotional at the best of times anyway. Being emotional, I cry at everything - yesterday I cried so much at a film I was ill afterwards and last night I saw the final of some Choir competition that I hadn't watched before and I wailed for about half an hour. Maybe I need to just greet for a couple of hours.
I recall a colleague of mine a few years ago being upset every day at her son going off and she ended up with depression - she said it was like a bereavement and because of my brother it took all of my reserves not to slap her one! I am totally so not depressed about it, that is so not me - I'm just sad that this great person whom I've spent nearly every day with for 18 years won't be there. It's not an empty nest as I have another two brilliant people that I'll still be nagging at to clean their rooms BUT I'm going to be positive and have a party to see him off (any excuse) and see it as a new chapter. There's a great plaque in my kitchen about the two things that we give our children: roots and wings so I will not cry buckets when I drop him off. I won't.

I won't.

Roots and wings.Superb!

You`re NOT being silly! I love the idea of "roots and wings"!