Spin'in Yarns

[Bobbie En Tejas]

You don't need batteries, Pop.. you're a wind up

[Pete Reek]

pr

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Huge Mane?? What happened to Ron DeVue? (I think I need me some of that purple stuff)

[Pete Reek]

pr

[Bobbie En Tejas]

Woops.. I meant Hugh Mane lol

[take_a_pop]

Had to tak a wee trip doon the street the dey tae the optician shop, fur a funny thing tis hepnin tae ma eyes.
As a wuz approachin the shop, a wuz try'n tae wurk oot whit a wuz ganni sey tae the man aboot ma condeetion, an this wuz lee'in me a bitty wurried.
When a got tae the shop a looked in the winda tae see if oniwan wuz in........CHRISTSEK, wuz it naw jeest a bluddy wummin ahin the coontur.
Noo a thot a hud a problum errlier, but noo it wuz a double problum. Ah meen how can a sey whit is rang wae me, tae a wummin, whit am a gonni dae.
So in a goes, an a seys tae hur, ma namea Mr Pop an a huv a sexual problum an a canna read the small print oan the blue tablets am takin, an a blabed on wae a few wee othur problums, an awe she did wuz try an butt in. Very bad manners a thot tae masel.
Oniway whin a wuz dun, the girl sed Pop, am sorry tae heer aboot yur problums, but, or shuid ah sey BUT...if it twas yur feet a could help ye, as this ist a shoe shop, but its the optition you want, and its next door. F--K Sek, ye shuid haff stopped me gan oan an oan, ah seys tae hur as am gan oot the dor.
At this point purhaps a shuid gan doon the toon fur a wee quarter bottle, an steedi masel up agane, but thit winna be a guid idea wud it.
Opticians, cleerly ritten above the dor, in a goes, an thank ma boab its a man at the desk, Hullo a seys, am Mr Pop, an a gee him ma problum thit aff got wae my eyes.
No worries he said, lets go in to my surgery and i shall test your sight to make sure.
Am sittin wae awe this stuff oan ma heed an oer ma eyes, wur changin colours an wurds,an numburs, an the optition ist really worried fur me. So he calls in his assistent, an we dae it awe oer agane, (eye tests that ist)..
She says Mr Pop you have us both baffled here, I sed howzat ma deer, she seys well, yur spelling is the wurst aff iffer seen, without a doubt, but your eyes at your age are getting better and better and better, so whatever your doing she said, you must keep doing it more and more, and if you have any friends you should get them to join in.
This is a mirical and we have niffer herd or seen this before, with anyone your age.
So to cut a long stori shoart...




If your not managing to read this move further backfrom the screen.
BUT DONT CALL ME.........IM TO BUSY WITH MY MIRACLES.

[paraffin man]

Aye ye silly auld bugger.

I heard ye had actually made up a new pair o glesses oot of two bottoms fae vodka bottles, the reason a know this is that a heard a wee story this week o some auld codger walkin aboot the paraffin city knockin on the doors that looked as tho they wid hae drink in there hoose, seein if he cuid get anythin. Anyway i heard that he wiz seen cummin oot o a certain house in the city wi a litre bottle o smirnoff, when he got tae the pavement he wiz heard sayin tae Maggie, who wiz sittin on the buggy ootside, 'that stupid fool in ther thinks a need this tae make a pair o glesses n a, a dunno aboot ye Maggie but am gaen tae get hoora v full the nicht'. nae shame in him or anythin paradin aroon waving the bottle aboot, christ wiz everbodi in Rhudal no a on aboot it.

Christ, there wiz wan bodi in the veelage in particular really prood o the fact that the auld guy wiz still usin hees eentiativ gane tae make a pair o spectacles oot o the bottles that wur jeest gaen tae be lake jeely jars, cos they wiz heard sayin that they payed a fortune for their jeelies fae the opticians, they wur also heard sayin that they winna be fonin that optician in the yellow pages again, they'll be goin tae use thon teletaxt, oracle thingy on the telly tae get a better quote
.
So tae a the folk oot there jeest be warned o the auld beggars cummin tae yer door looking for bottles, he might cum acroos as bein genuine, dont be fooled ah'll no be answerin ma door tae him (again) anyway.

[take_a_pop]

Christ am a naw gled a dinna stiy oot ther, ah dinna ken it thurs iffer anywan seyin onithin, or naw, but it seems te be a place thit folks ur ey heerin things be'in sed.
Ur ye shoor its naw jeest the wind ?, an ah meen the reel wind naw yur ane Par/man.