>> > Mr. Cadbury and Mrs Rowntree met on a coach journey. It was
>>After
>> > Eight.
>> > She was from Quality Street: he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the
>>way
>> > they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had Rum & Butter and she had a
>>Wine
>> > Gum.
>> >
>> > He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole", she said.
>>"I'm
>> > the
>> > one with the Nuts", he thought. Then he touched her Milky Way.
>>They
>> > checked in and went straight to the bedroom.
>> >
>> > Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It
>>wasn't
>> > long
>> > before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the
>>contrast of
>> > her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly.
>> >
>> > Ms Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more Jelly Babies, so she
>>let him
>> > take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he
>>always
>> > fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a Magic Moment as she let out a
>>scream
>> > of
>> > Turkish Delight.
>> >
>> > When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She
>> > wanted
>> > more but he decided to take Time Out. However, he noticed her
>>Pink
>> > Wafers looked very appetising... So he did a Twirl, had a Picnic
>>in
>> > her
>> > Sherbert and gave her a Gob Stopper.
>> >
>> > Unfortunately Mr. Cadbury then had to go home to his wife,
>>Caramel.
>> > Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D. It turns out
>>Ms
>> > Rowntree had been with All Sorts.
Jokes
10 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by Iron Brew » Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:29 am
Shipwrecked
>A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
> only
>3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........
>They manage to swim to a small island.......
> and they lived there for a couple of years............
> doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
> Afters several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt
> absolutely horrible about
> what she had been doing...................
>She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she
> killed
> herself...............
>It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
> after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............
>Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
> absolutely horrible about what they where doing........
>
>
>
>
>......... So.......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ..........They buried her
>A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
> only
>3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........
>They manage to swim to a small island.......
> and they lived there for a couple of years............
> doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
> Afters several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt
> absolutely horrible about
> what she had been doing...................
>She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she
> killed
> herself...............
>It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
> after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............
>Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
> absolutely horrible about what they where doing........
>
>
>
>
>......... So.......
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ..........They buried her
-
Iron Brew - The Quiet Type
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:56 pm
- Location: Hong Kong, China
by bubbly jock » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:31 pm
Found in the agony Aunt page
I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Liverpool, England.
My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt.Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.
My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Scouser?
bubbly
I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Liverpool, England.
My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mt.Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilizing her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.
My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Scouser?
bubbly
- bubbly jock
by Wired 2 The Moon » Thu May 18, 2006 2:25 am
Q. Where does a bee put its stinger at night??
A. In its honey "lol best 1 i knw"
A. In its honey "lol best 1 i knw"
-
Wired 2 The Moon - Quite a Regular
- Posts: 164
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 11:32 pm
- Location: Campbeltown
bagpipes
by Och Anooo » Thu May 18, 2006 2:43 am
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and say's "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.
Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says "Play it? If I can work out how to get its pajama's off I'm gonna f**k it!"
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.
Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says "Play it? If I can work out how to get its pajama's off I'm gonna f**k it!"
-
Och Anooo - Happy Camper
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 6:58 pm
- Location: Campbeltown
room 436
by Och Anooo » Thu May 18, 2006 2:50 am
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your br**st, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your pe*is is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your br**st, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your pe*is is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
-
Och Anooo - Happy Camper
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 6:58 pm
- Location: Campbeltown
blind man
by Och Anooo » Thu May 18, 2006 2:52 am
Three nuns decided to repaint their church's interior. They gathered all their paint and other supplies and were just about ready to start when one of them said, "How are we going to keep the paint off our habits?"
They thought for a while. Finally, one said, "Look -- we're the only ones here. Why don't we just get naked so we don't have to worry about it?"
They thought for a while and finally decided that, since no one else was around, it would be OK. Stripped naked, they were well underway when there came a knock at the church door. They immediately became alarmed, thinking that someone was going to see them nude.
"Who is it?" one of the nuns cried out cautiously. "It's the blind man," came the reply.
The nuns breathed a sigh of relief, now that their modesty would not be jeopardized. One of the nuns went to the door, opened it up, and said, "May I help you, sir?"
The man stared at the nun and said, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
They thought for a while. Finally, one said, "Look -- we're the only ones here. Why don't we just get naked so we don't have to worry about it?"
They thought for a while and finally decided that, since no one else was around, it would be OK. Stripped naked, they were well underway when there came a knock at the church door. They immediately became alarmed, thinking that someone was going to see them nude.
"Who is it?" one of the nuns cried out cautiously. "It's the blind man," came the reply.
The nuns breathed a sigh of relief, now that their modesty would not be jeopardized. One of the nuns went to the door, opened it up, and said, "May I help you, sir?"
The man stared at the nun and said, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
-
Och Anooo - Happy Camper
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 6:58 pm
- Location: Campbeltown
10 posts
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