Runners

[Pete Reek]

Ah wis makin mi way hame this efternoon an ah wis shure ah wis seein spooks. Therr wis 3 perrs o shorts an 3 tee shirts comin straight at mi. Christ hoots heppenin ahm wunnerin tae misel. Then as they got closer ah sees thur things lake strings o spagetti hingin oot o each o the shorts, but hoorafa white. Well they wir jeest aboot up tae mi when a heard a noise lake money faain, an then a realised it wis runners oot practissin fur this maradonna thing. The noise ah had heard wis the penny drappin.
The legs wur wallapin aboot inside they shorts lake a teaspoon in a cup, an its jeest as well mi herts naw too bad or ah might jeest haev keeked the bucket there an then.
Ah think the organisers should pit oot a warnin aboot hoorafa lookin legs before they start this race thing, jeest in case owld yins see them an get feert.

[paraffin man]

Aye, ye wurna seein things smelly Pete, i saw them n a. Wan o them wis hell of a lost lookin & he wiz lookin at his watch, must ha been near milkin time! Although it wid hav taken him a fair while tae run a the wi back hame fae where he wiz when i saw him.

[Pete Reek]

Aye he seemed tae hae a face ah knew fae somwherr right enuff. He wis geeglin a fair bit when ah seen um so ahm suspectin the wan aheed o um had a mirror doon the back o is T shirt an yir man wis haen a wee keek at umsell uvvry noo an again.
Mind you thir daen a grett job an ah wid take mi hat of tae them but ahm feert mi heed wid get ah rid an beelin wae the sun. I coona run ah that lenth an ahm sweetin jeest thinkin aboot it. The Gen gets a hoorafa loat o practice runnin aboot efter sheep an coos an bullucks mind you so it shoona be as sore on hum than it is on uther wans.
Ah see a wumming waants us tae lee money for her in wee Ians shop at Muasdale. Well jeest for her bluddy cheek thats hoot ahm gan tae dae. Maybe even the morra if ah get half a chance. Ahv had threehaipunse hingin aboot mi poakits noo fur aboot twunty years, so ah think ahll jeest gee it tae the lassie. Ah know ur man an hees naw a bad lad. Hes naw that bluddy good eether, but hees naw the wurst.
Right am away eenoo but before ah go ah wid lake tae sae that we shood ah gee thae good folk runnin the maradonna as much support as we can.
Ahll see yi in a wee while or two.