by big tony » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:54 pm
turn the whole town into a theme park, you could go and play slides on the wet floors in tesco and the co-op, then play dodgems with the dog crap all the way down the longrow, if you are driving you could spend hours playing "park the car" a joy for all the family.
on a good day you could wander down the front and watch some locals re-enact that great scottish tradition of"it's your turn to buy the cairry oot", then after a game of putting wander on down to the paddling pool (no paddling allowed) be careful to first relieve yourself at the beautiful silver bogs, as you won't be able to make use of the toilet facilities further down as there aren't any!!!
a visit to the local graveyard is worthwhile, where as well as having a look at the tribute on the hill to those that gave their lives during the war you can count the stones that have been upended for health and safety reasons.
should the weather not be to your liking, you can shelter in one of several cafe's, where the staff will treat you to a famous campbeltown look should you dally too long over your cup of tea, without even buying a toastie!!!!!!
a visit to the heritage centre is worth a minute or two of your time and soon you will be able to squeeze past council employees at their desks for a visit to the museum, fancy a swim? well lets hope nobody has crapped in the pool, forcing them to shut it for the day, or take a trip to the new library, watch out for the buckets!!
a walk along the esplanade to dalintober, counting the sanitory towels and condoms floating serenly in the famous campbeltown loch, the smell of the seaweed and piss filling the air, mmmmmmmmmmmm
a trip to the island maybe? a look at the newly restored painting, where your every step will be monitored on cctv because they never caught the ned that vandalised it, now everybody will get the oppertunity to be treated like a suspect!!!!
campbeltown, pride of the clyde!!! and you know what? theres nowhere better, a beautiful town, just a soon as they get rid of the criminal minority thats getting shipped in from elsewhere!!!!
BADA BING!!!!