Notes from a small Island by Bill Bryson

[Malky]

my opinions are more extreme these days, sadly this is not the place for them either, i have to tone it down too much.

This is speakers corner General - why do you have to tone it down too much?

Malky

[The Elusive Mr D.]

It's finally happened. The General's got mellow with old age

[general jack o'niell]

the usual campbeltown reason, i get it in the neck from my far better, much calmer, think before you open your mouth half whenever somebody tells her a funny little anicdote or some such that is attributed to mineself. see how i slipped in the funny bit there, oh you didn't well feckin wake up and pay attention, you think i couldn't get paid to do this? and you get it free!!!!

hence the reason, calm, calm, slowly flowing running water, hence the reason i tone it down, a very select few know what i'm really like, funnily most of them don't talk to me anymore, but thats just a flaw in their character, i'm sure i gave it to them, but they must have lost it.

anyway this thread is not about me, i think? somebody will no doubt soon point that out just so that i know, but sorry can't help it, aren't all conversations about me? i always thought so!!!!

it's called humour you narble!!!!!

you know that thing when you take stirfry beef out of the freezer, then hours later discover that its for a cassarole and its five past three and you have your own two plus another two arriving in ten minutes from school and you'll have to go and brown it and chop onions and carrots and stuff and make a stew for four hungry kids?

you do?

well why didn't you tell me sooner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[The Elusive Mr D.]

Confused? You soon will be! Stay tuned for more rantings from assorted strange people and their followers.........or not as the case may be

See, I've learned how to use they wee blobby bits

Anyway, I thought this thread was about Mr Bryson, did he no have a shop in the toon

[bill]

Aye I always wondered where he went after he shut up shop....now I know

[general jack o'niell]

don't talk to me about that place, i spent a summer knocking it down, with terry the mad canadian taskmaster

did the gable wall facing onto burnbank have multi coloured bricks? i have a photo of five young likely lads posing against a wall, taken back in 77 or 78, the wall puzzled me, i couldn't figure out where it was taken, sweltered had a look when he was over and claims it's brysons, but he was only about 12 when it, ok 13 right, you were 13, shut up and let me finish (me mindreader ) when it was turned into the pipers cave, ok so you were maybe 14, right ok 1982 it opened so you would have been 15 now will you shut up!!!!!!

i've forgotten the question?

can i have a p please bob?

[Bobbie En Tejas]

hahaha.. you always give me a laugh, general!

[Sweltered]

I was 15 in 1982.....wait a minute its 2007 noww...that makes me.....

Nah that can't be right

[Annie]

I used to work for the mad Canadian in the Piper's!

[general jack o'niell]

FORTY!!! gone say it, your forty, i bought you a cake for your birthday but its no till monday and it won't keep so i'll have to eat it myself, you enjoy your last three days inyour thirties, its all up hill from there, well stairs get steeper.

you realise that makes your brother forty seven? wot with his paranoia about his health and cholestarol he's only got nine years left.

wait a minute!!!! that only gives me eleven, canna be right, i was sure i was only thirteen the last week when i went kayaking, yes that was me making an exhibition of myself in the inner harbour, i should have taken a collection!!!! not good for the health, not good at all, thats the summer oot the window, comfy chair for me, had to get taken home the last day in case folk thought i was drunk walking down the longrow.

got the lights working, no thanks to the two bright sparks and their short somewhere?
ok so i just hooked them to a plug and stuck another socket in but their working braw!!!

lets see how long i take to kill this thread? think i'll change my name to the "black window spider"

and it burned burned burned!!!

[bill]

and it burned burned burned!!!

You be careful there Gen Jack,look what happened to "The man in Black's" house last week..... that went up in a ring of fire

[general jack o'niell]

i never heard that? you mean oman's shop burnt down, there was nothing in the courier, or were folk crowding round to throw bryson books into the flames?

thats it, i've done nothing all day except smoke fags and talk a load of auld keech, folk'll be thinkin i'm john reid next!!!! not to be confused with the local of the same name.

if i wisnae boycotting the new library i could read a book, but i'm making my stand, no bugger knows or cares, but it has to be done and i'm telt the old place is getting turned into a permanent display of lady linda's work and the man hasn't the decency to answer a letter nevermind come and present the prizes at the pipeband competition, still he'll not be missed and i think i'll go and help the cooncillor, if he gets back in that is, to empty bins on theday just to show theres no hard feelings, wot with him no getting my vote.

[Hadrians hiring!]

General,

You were rather despairing the other week about killing threads stone deed.

Having watched from afar (ie the Beachcomber), all I can say is :



I would rather Jack than Fleetwood Mac !!!!!!!!!!!

Get that up ye the elusive Mr D!

[Beachcomber]

Having watched from afar (ie the Beachcomber)

What am I supposed to have gone and done now?

[general jack o'niell]

hope he didn't mean you beachcomber, i assumed he was actually in the beachcomber!!!!!

maybe its just because i always see the best in people?