General Jack Oneil thread

by **general jack o'niell** » Mon May 28, 2007 10:02 am

not having been able to read the alleged offending post i asumed it must have been you wot wrote it.

please accept my apology for ever doubting your intergrity!!!!

that plus you coona find yer ain erse wae a stick so how would you know where i stay?

by **The Hitman** » Mon May 28, 2007 4:35 pm

Apology accepted General!

And eh, I don't look for my own erse, I merely look after it!! Ain't no flies on me General.

And just to let ye know I don't mind one bit what is said about me, if ye can give it out then he have to be able to take it!

That's only fair!

by **general jack o'niell** » Tue May 29, 2007 2:14 pm

for a split second i considered this a bluff, then i remembered? i don't care!!!! and all was well again.

NURSE!!!!!!!

by **The Hitman** » Tue May 29, 2007 2:52 pm

Why the Nurse?

Is your cranium hurting from the searing heat that we are experiencing, mainly due to the andalucian sun!!

A day for a cold pint of Tennent's lager and a sombrero!

by **general jack o'niell** » Tue May 29, 2007 2:57 pm

no, its just time for some more medication, 6 dyhydrocodiene, 1500mg ibuprofen, 1500mg of gabapentin and 6 paracetamol doesn't last all day you know, i have to take another handful to take me to till sleepy bye time.

you don't think i do all this straight do you?

by **The Hitman** » Tue May 29, 2007 3:04 pm

I would certainly hope not!! :lol:

Sorry to hear your under the weather, maybe Michael Fish could help you!! :lol:

by **general jack o'niell** » Tue May 29, 2007 3:22 pm

your not very well informed about geneology are you? otherwise you would know that i am in fact related on my mother's side to peter sloss, and that's a fact, his mother and my maternal grandfather were first cousins, that and his sister and faither just live half a dozen doors away.

oh and if i need a forecast i am quite capable of providing it myself, i stick my hand out the window, if it comes back wet, i lick it, if it's tasteless then it's raining, if it smells odd and has an unpleasent taste then one of thon stray cats i'm aye chasing has peed on it.

likewise for temperature, ifi have to take my jumper off, it's warm, if i have to put one on? it's cold

wind is easy, i just look across the street at the neeburs pampas grass, if it's blowing, it's blowing, gives good direction too, but an east to south east is tricky cos of normans leylandii

when do i get my own slot on the new scottish digital channel? c,mon, i'm related to peter sloss and jamie mcivor, i'm better looking than both of them and i don't have a funny accent that viewers will have trouble placing!!!!

and i've got my own wee line in one liner quips for handing back to thon turkey necked ginger munter.

by **The Hitman** » Tue May 29, 2007 3:31 pm

Ha ha, aye no bad general, made me smile at least once there!

Think one sailed right over yer napper there though!!

Anyway, next time I need a forecast, I'll come see you lookin at a pampus grass and checkin oot a lellandi with yer hand sickin oot yer windae and yer jumper half off and half on!

Think ye could be on to a winner there, instead of all these fancy weather charts we could just have a picture o you hingin oot yer windae!!!

(Could ye not check for wind by putting a wind sock on top pf your hat, with a wee mirror comin doon from it to see which direction it's blowing!?) :lol:

by **The Hitman** » Thu May 31, 2007 11:03 am

What's the forecast for the weekend Genny? Do I need these

Or will I be disgruntled :cry:

by **general jack o'niell** » Thu May 31, 2007 12:22 pm

bastard!!!! you knew that would happen

ask for a forecast and when i stick my erm oot the windae a bloody burd sh@t on me!!!!

i therefor predict sqwacks, herrain showers and a gull of wind for the next few days

i take it you wear reaction lenses? meaning that when you wear them, small children greet, when you take them off, so do adults!!!!

by **The Hitman** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:36 pm

Supposed to be good luck apparently!?

No matter whether I am wearing glasses or not, people of all age groups greet me with the kind of reception usually associated with legends!!

by **general jack o'niell** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:44 pm

you mean they come up to you and say "i thought you were deid? but on second glance, mebbes u ur!!!"

by **The Hitman** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:47 pm

Large as life me, usually found running to the pub as soon as work finishes on a Saturday, then doing the one legged walk home while staring out a chip at 3 a.m Sunday!

Ye know the old Billy Connelly gag - PURE CLASS!!

by **general jack o'niell** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:52 pm

aye a true patriot billy!!!!

thats a bonus of the SNP winning the election, we'll no be seeing his miserable face for a while.

i've been using him as a role model since i met him thru a friend when he played here.

i never buy a round either!!!!!!

by **The Hitman** » Thu May 31, 2007 1:54 pm

Ye got deep pockets General??? :lol:

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