"When are the xmas lights going up?"

[general jack o'niell]

sorry, i'm speechless, i've been called crabbit and a bugger many times but middle aged?
that hurts me, thats the most insulting thing anyone has ever called me, and i've been called many things

sorry i have to go, i've just been told that they hired a posh and becks lookalike duo to switch the lights on, i have to go and be oh so sarcastic elsewhere this will have to wait

and nobody was dressed as the "fermer", wot a shambles!!!!

[general jack o'niell]

see you confused me there i thought i was on another thread, a scouse posh and becks, two questions?

1) who the feck had the idea and actually said out loud "why don't we get a posh and becks lookalike to switch on the lights?"

2) how much were they paid? me and joe pasqualie would have done it for nothing!!!!

3) i lied, i've more than two, no, sorry still can't picture that lightbulb moment, "why don't we get a posh and becks lookalike?" who are they getting next year? a teddy called mohammed?

4) why didn't somebody tell me in advance? i'd really love to have witnessed the day campbeltown curled up and died and don't try making out the crowd enjoyed it, i am black affronted, country comes to town, shrek and fiona was decent!!!!

[Pete Reek]

Yur black affrontit at the light switcher onners?

Hiv yi seen the tree? If it wiz a doag it wud be put doon.

Ah cood draw a better lookin tree. Their alledgedly ganti be gan roon the dorrs askin the weemin tae go through thur sewin boxes an donate any owld needles thuv got so that they can gee it wan o thay makeovers next week.

Hae a wee look at the yin at Ardrishaig an see hoot a Cristmas Tree looks lake. Its a beauty.

[ionnsaigh]

See if I paid my Poll - sorry Cooncil Tax - a wid complain.

[Pete Reek]

So wud I.

The roomur mill this moarnin sez the tree is tae get a SPRUCE up cos its no Fir tae see it PINEin.

[general jack o'niell]

i did think somebody had tripped while carrying the lights and they'd landed on the tree so they decided to leave them, maybe it was done by cooncil worker lookalikes?

they look like cooncil workers, dress like cooncil workers but you can only hire them on a sunday when its double time

[ionnsaigh]

So wud I.

The roomur mill this moarnin sez the tree is tae get a SPRUCE up cos its no Fir tae see it PINEin.

Gie it a gid sOAK - sum say yer BARKin up the wrang TREE. But am no a MEDLAR no me- don't give a FIG
You ur too COMMON YEW try a MONKEY PUZZLE. Wits a NOBLE FIR fur, better ask DOUGLAS FIR We hiv goat a NORWAY SPRUCE. A tell ye man ye hiv left me a WEEPING WILLOW. A PUSSY WILLOW that's me. The lassie next door his a SWEET CHESTNUT hur names ELM - ENGLISH ELM- No DUTCH ELM. Am off on the LONDON PLANE. Jist the two o us a COMMON PEAR Me am the ELDER a the two. Me an Palm hid a DATE PALM. OLIVE couldnae manage. Such a CRAB APPLE . We put the wean in the APRICOT - we cleaned his CHERRY PLUM. thirsty after that have a CITRUS drink. last fag before flight ASH everywhere.

[general jack o'niell]

and i thought i had too much time on my hands!!!! there always someone worse off than yirsel

[Pete Reek]

i did think somebody had tripped while carrying the lights and they'd landed on the tree so they decided to leave them, maybe it was done by cooncil worker lookalikes?

they look like cooncil workers, dress like cooncil workers but you can only hire them on a sunday when its double time

Yi know the owld sayin Gen J : "Better tae get double time for workin than naw tae be workin at all"

Wud you work for double time on a Sunday an naw get tae the church? I wunna eenywey. Ah need mi hims, an if ahm really honest, mi hurrs as well.