What women say is not what they mean

[daftdog]

Womanspeak English
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* You want <= You want
* We need <= I want
* It's your decision <= The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want <= You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk <= I need to complain
* Sure... go ahead <= I don't want you to.
* I'm not upset <= Of course I'm upset,you moron.
* You're ... so manly <= You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
* You're certainly attentive tonight. <= Is sex all you ever think about?
* I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! <= I'm on my period.
* Be romantic, turn out the lights. <= I have flabby thighs.
* This kitchen is so inconvenient <= I want a new house.
* I want new curtains <= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
* I need wedding shoes <= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there <= NO, I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise <= I noticed you were almost asleep.
* Do you love me? <= I'm going to ask for something expensive.
* How much do you love me? <= I did something today you're really not going to like.
* I'll be ready in a minute. <= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
* Is my butt fat? <= Tell me I'm beautiful.
* You have to learn to communicate. <= Just agree with me.
* Are you listening to me!? <= [Too late, your dead.]
* Yes <= No
* No <= No
* Maybe <= No
* I'm sorry. <= You'll be sorry.
* Do you like this recipe? <= It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
* Was that the baby ? <= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
* I'm not yelling! <= Yes, I am yelling, because I think this is important.
* All we're going to buy is a soap dish <= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

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in answer to you inadvertently asking her "What's wrong?"
--The same old thing. <= Nothing.
--Nothing. <= Everything.
--Everything. <= My PMS is acting up.
--Nothing, really. <= It's just that you're such an *@#&*#.
--I don't want to talk about it. <= Go away, I'm still building up steam.

[Govangirl]

What men say is not what they mean

"I'm hungry" = "I'm hungry"

"Im tired" = "I'm tired"

"Do you want to go to see a movie?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Do you want to dance?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Can I give you a call?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Nice dress!" = "Nice cleavage!"

"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = "Let me give you a fondle"

"What's wrong?" = "What meaningless self-inflicted pyschological trauma are you going through now?"

"You look upset" = "Guess sex is out of the question tonight?"

"Are you okay" = "Are you on your period?"

"I can't find it" = "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless"

"It's a guy thing" = "There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"

"Can I help with dinner?" = "Why isn't it already on the table? "

"I'm getting more exercise lately" = "The batteries in the remote are dead"

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard" = "I can't hear the commentary because of the vacuum cleaner"

"That's interesting dear" = "Are you still talking? "

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love" = "I forgot our anniversary again"

"It's really a good movie" = "It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women"

"You know how bad my memory is" = "I remember the address of the first girl I kissed and the registration number of every vehicle I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday"

"You really look terrific in that outfit" = "Please don't try on any more outfits, I'm starving"

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind" = "I was wondering if that blonde over there is wearing a bra."