GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

[Govangirl]

URGENT - GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
AT 00.54 ON MONDAY, 26TH MAY 2008, A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HIT MEASURING 4.8 ON
THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW.


Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering:"Ah wiz shittin' masel",
"Ah need some jellies" "Ah need a fag and a Cally Spesh". The Earthquake
decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage, with the
exception of the Possil area, where approx. £375,000 of improvements were
made.
Untold disruption and distress was caused. Many were woken well before
their giro arrived. Several priceless collections of mementos from the
Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and
scientifically significant litter were disturbed.

The cone fell off the head of the statue of the Duke of Wellington outside
the Gallery of Modern Art. Thousands are confused and
bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting
has happened in Glasgow.
One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 17 year old mother-of-three said: "It
was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying. My
youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still shaking
when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross
have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Buckfast Tonic Wine to the area
to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the
rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including
benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
Clothing is most sought after. Items required include:
Sovvy rings
Baseball caps
Shell suits
Tesco two stripe trainers
White socks
Chunky gold chains

Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Frozen burgers
Buckfast
Deep fried Mars Bars
Buckfast
Golden Wonder crisps (Cheese and Onion and Prawn Cocktail >preferred)
Buckfast
Tripe and Onions
Buckfast
Black, White, Fruit or Red Pudding
Buckfast
Fray Bentos Pies
Old English Cider
Buckfast
Lard
Ready-cut Potato Chips
Lard
Buckfast

REMEMBER:
£2 buys chips, scraps and "ginger" - preferably Dunn's or Alpine "Iron Brew"
for a family of four.
£10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day, where children can sniff
glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles.
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
£1.95 buys an "All Day" bus ticket to enable disaster victims to travel
between the Social, the Posty, the Offy, McDonalds, and Whateverys, and
Glasgow Green or Elder Park for the refugees garden party.
Please send your credit card number and a sample signature.

THIS APPEAL IS MADE ON BEHALF OF THE GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS FUND. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY. THE WEANS OF GLASGOW THANK YOU.

[ionnsaigh]

Square slice sausages - wae tins a all day breakfast - fur the munchies man. It wiz really terrible so it wiz - a kid you not terrible - a bloody disgrace. The Squinty Bridge isnae any mer. Feckin stull shakin man - so am ur.