Billy Connolly !!

[alan k]

Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
F***ing right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
to**er, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting -I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you McTosser.


[bill]

Were any Forum members in the audience the night Billy played the Vic?

I saw him in the Corby Civic some time in the 70s and fell asleep.He was crap.

[Govangirl]

They were funny alan - and true too!

I've seen him several times and he had me in tears laughing each time. He's a genius!

However, I care not a jot for the man himself. The last time I saw him was about 20 years ago at Margate Winter Gardens and then I saw him afterwards in the Indian restaurant. I asked him for his autograph and he replied, "F*** off, you fat ****". I was right offended because I've never been fat in my life.

[ionnsaigh]

Yes undoubtedly a man of genius.
Indian restaurant scenario. ( perhaps )
The reason he called you fat. You had just finished your meal - he was about to start his.

[petewick]

Were any Forum members in the audience the night Billy played the Vic?

I saw him in the Corby Civic some time in the 70s and fell asleep.He was crap.

Was too young to see the show but heard some crackin' put downs he gave some hecklers.
Also walkin past the Vic, I remember Pastor Jack Glass telling folk not to go and see this blasphemer, also Campbeltown was the only gig he played that he needed a police escort from the building.

[History]

Billy Connolly and 2 others were staying in the Argyll Arms in Southend that night. They came back after the show and had a meal and then joined the punters in the bar.

He took his turn when it came to his round and it was a very entertaining evening. He joined in the banter but didn't monopolise the conversation and he had his photo taken with the staff and some of the punters?

Just my personal recollection of his visit!! I've got photo's............ "somewhere"

[Govangirl]

Thanks for that History, I reckon it depends on what Connolly you get. He's not consistent but in a good mood he must be brilliant company.

[Mary G]

Billy Connolly and 2 others were staying in the Argyll Arms in Southend that night. They came back after the show and had a meal and then joined the punters in the bar. ...

That must have been April 1974, I think, History. Were you at the 18th Birthday Party that night then?

[bill]

I have been reliably informed by someone who was in the audience that there was infact only the one heckler.
Not only did she get the better of Connolly, she also got the biggest laugh of the night with her reply to Connolly when she left her seat to go to the ladies.

[A Horse called Juan Face]

I have been reliably informed by someone who was in the audience that there was infact only the one heckler.
Not only did she get the better of Connolly, she also got the biggest laugh of the night with her reply to Connolly when she left her seat to go to the ladies.

What did she say?