My Work Career

[The Hitman]

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got
canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't
hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef figured it would add a little spice to my life,
but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't
cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any >patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live
on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,

but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for >the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work! , I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I quit my last job as a human cannonball.The boss said,"Where will I find someone of the same calibre?"
Prior to that I had left a job as an undertaker because it was a dying trade.
I once applied to play the violin in the Halle Orchestra,but there were too many strings attached.
One of my successful jobs was as a gynaecologist.Things were looking up.This job also enabled me to wallpaper my hall through my letter box.

[The Hitman]

Roger, you say you quit your job as a human cannonball, I'm surprised you weren't fired!!!

[LANDROVER ROGER]

....And then I got a job as a wringer out for a one-armed window cleaner.

[The Hitman]

Was that after you were a bubble salesman for a spirit level company?

[LANDROVER ROGER]

Was that after you were a bubble salesman for a spirit level company?

No.I spent a short time manufacturing waistcoat armholes.I then started a business selling toilet bowls.They were made of plastic.I kept them in a large greenhouse over summer.Regrettably the sun shone incessantly and melted the toilet bowls.This just proved that people in glass houses should not stow thrones.

[The Hitman]

And there was me thinking you were designing the centre of polo mints?

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I was employed as a florist but there was no fuschia in it.

My first job when I left school was as a window cleaner.That proved to be a real pane.

I also worked in a butcher`s,but got the chop.

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I worked in a baker`s because I kneaded the dough.

[The Hitman]

I got a job in the woolen mill but kept getting fleeced so got the flock outta there.

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I also became a lighthouse keeper until I saw the light.

I enjoyed my time working on a high speed conveyor belt in a clock factory.The time just flew by.

I found my job at the seismology centre caused some upheaval.

I later started work as a train driver.I also began to drink heavily.This was when I ran off the rails.Luckily I recognised the signals and began to get back on track.This was an important junction in my career and at last I knew my station.

[LANDROVER ROGER]

I also had a job on the buses but left because I did not conduct myself properly.

I had another job on a narrow boat skippered by an Argentinian chap.I left because he was always interfering with the day to day running of the boat.There was too much argee bargee.

[The Hitman]

I got a job as the tin man out of the wizard of oz, however I realised my heart wasn't in it!