Pam Ayers poem ??

[Bitter End]

Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

[Govangirl]

She wrote that after she'd written this one:

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgam," he'll say, "for in there."

How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I don't know if she wrote about anything else she wished she had looked after!!!!!

[LANDROVER ROGER]

Both of those are first class!Thank you.

[Govangirl]

LR I'll be looking out in the Poetry Section for your contribution:

Oh I wish I'd looked after me Landrover
I know too 'ard I drove 'er
I should've treated the chassis
Like a wee Scots lassie
Oh I wish I'd looked after me Landrover . . .

[Govangirl]

Or even:

Oh I wish I'd looked after me roger
It was always a bit of a dodger
It's as dry as a cactus
I should've had more practice
Oh I wish I'd looked after me roger!

[The Hitman]

Or even.....

I wish I'd looked after me Roger
Cos now he's approaching a codger,
He wiz aye telling jokes,
and stealin fae cloaks
cos he learned from the artful dodger!

[LANDROVER ROGER]

Or even.....

I wish I'd looked after me Roger
Cos now he's approaching a codger,
He wiz aye telling jokes,
and stealin fae cloaks
cos he learned from the artful dodger!

Cheeky Git!!