by Lossit Lass » Sat Sep 19, 2009 5:29 am
No, humiliation was definitely not among the many emotions I experienced either. I read that post & had to re-read it to see if I missed something. I was working with a friend at her home that morning & we were watching the am news as usual when it cut to this report of a plane flying into a building. Like most at that moment, I thought it was a horrific accident. Well, the rest unfolded before our eyes. I tried calling my husband, family, other friends, on my cell & the land line, but either got a constant busy signal or a recording that "all circuits are busy". As plane after plane crashed I was becoming quite frantic, wondering if this was really IT. I was really feeling the need to get to my son who was in grade school, wanting him with me, but somehow held off. I just wanted my family together, at home. I started imaging 'doomsday' & cursing myself for not having created an emergency supply kit as we'd always planned to....we had no extra water, food, batteries. I even thought about emptying our bank account & filling up the gas tank on the way home. We're in Virginia but on that day we may as well have been in NY, DC or PA. Just very close. And a lot of military & gov't interest lies here as well.
It was all very surreal. We were all in fight or flight mode. For weeks after, I was hyper-aware of unusual activity...in the sky & on the ground. And the constant bombardment of 9/11 images everywhere I think just kept us in that moment. To this day, seeing these images gives me instant chills, brings tears, just jerks me right back to that day, all the fear, the anticipation of the unknown, expectation of worse to come. True PTS, for all of us I imagine, but multiplied by a thousand for too many.
I also recall, for the first several years after especially, automatically putting everything into a "was it before or after 9/11?" frame of reference. It changed everything so profoundly that it was the only way to think now.
Suppose they held a war and nobody came?